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That bond seemed to awaken more without my restraint on it, keening and practically begging for the chance to explore him and our severed connection. It wanted nothing more than for me to reach out and touch what belonged to it. What belonged to me.
Shaking myself out of that vicious thought cycle, I caught myself giving in. Blinking through it, I tried to grasp how those thoughts had made their way into my head. Apparently, mixing alcohol and a desperate bond wasn’t an ideal situation.
Getting a grip of myself, I returned my attention to Alora while she chatted aimlessly, utterly unaware that I hadn’t been listening.
The way that yearning came to the surface so easily in his presence terrified me and made me wonder just how difficult being around him would seem moving forward.
If I could hardly control my wandering thoughts while we weren’t on good terms, what would I possibly do if Rowan managed to schmooze me into not hating him?
I couldn’t even begin to think about that nightmare.
As the drinks were placed in front of us on several trays, Alora and I carried them over to where the girls were.
My mind was swimming with worry by then, muting the pleasant fog I had been in earlier.
I could only hope Rowan wouldn’t see me and jeopardize the rest of my evening.
Chapter 9 - Rowan
Despite not having access to my wolf, it didn’t take any power to feel that Willow was nearby in the club.
My withered end of our bond seemed to shiver in her presence, and I followed that with the hope of laying my eyes on her.
Even if I knew with absolute certainty that she didn’t care to speak with me, I couldn’t stop that internal longing to see her and to feel our proximity again.
Scanning the busy room full of dancers, I stopped the moment I spotted her. Even under the changing lights, there was no missing that fiery hair. Like an ember that caught in dry timber, she lit up the room, and I found myself more envious of those closest to her than I ever had before.
She was dancing with a few of the girls I had seen around town, all with their shifter boyfriends and husbands. A big smile was plastered on her face as she swayed her hips and lost herself in the music, drink in hand.
I suddenly wished I could be the one to make her that happy. To be able to elicit those joyous grins and the wonderful laughter that tumbled past her lips.
And yet, I had ruined any chance I might’ve had of being with her, all thanks to my prejudice against witches. She had looked so hopeful and amazed the day we met in the stream, but I had crushed that curiosity in her eyes.
If I had been as willing to explore our mate bond as she had been, I never would’ve found myself in this position. I wouldn’t feel like an outsider looking in, cursing myself for turning her away.
If I had stopped to consider how precious of a bond we were given and just how painful it would be to pretend it never existed in the first place, I could’ve saved us both enough pain for a lifetime.
Tired of feeling like an idiot for standing and staring at her, I made my way through the crowd, avoiding stray swinging arms, and reached the bar.
Sitting on one of the stools, I met the bartender’s eye and ordered a rum and coke.
What I received was almost like a deluxe version with glittering specks that swirled within the caramel color. There were no expenses barred in Rose Valley, it seemed.
Ignoring the strange touch, I threw part of it back and sighed with momentary relief.
I never thought I would find myself in such an odd predicament. Between trying to figure out where my wolf had gone, how I was supposed to get it back, and wondering if I’d ever patch things with Willow, I was at a complete loss.
Even after my dad died, I didn’t feel quite so lost and left to figure all of it out.
Not only did I want that bond back for my own sake, but for that of my men as well. Without my powers, they were without my additional protection. And those who were shifters were in perhaps the worst mental state of their lives.
I knew just how damaging it was as a shifter to not feel that connection anymore, and I could only hope I had enough time to figure everything out.
While tensions were still high, one good thing was Kai’s cooperation. His second-in-command was a bit of a loose cannon, and that, paired with Griffin’s inability to let nonsense slide, made for a potentially dangerous combination.
But at the very least, the alpha was hearing us out. He seemed willing to help mend the rough patches between our two groups, and that had to count for something.
Sitting there at the bar, I looked down at my swirling glass and tried to wrack my brain for anything I might’ve missed. Any other trauma or reason why my wolf would shut down.
