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Millie’s hands drape around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug and I can’t hold the tears back any longer. “Listen up, Charley-girl. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I have half a mind to drive to his place and tear my brother a new ass, but you didn’t see him when we lost her.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice tentative.
“He shut down completely. Ran off to the military and put this whole place behind him. He was close to her parents before… but he felt guilty. Like it was his fault they lost their daughter. He couldn’t bear to be around them. And now he’s finally starting to let himself feel something for someone else. I don’t think he’s running from you, or from this, because he doesn’t want it. I think he’s scared because of how much he wants it. And probably feeling guilty that he survived to be able to have another chance at love.” She rubs my shoulders as she talks, and I can’t help but lean into her. Her words make so much sense.
“You don’t think him ignoring me has anything to do with me?” My voice is low, almost as if I’m afraid the universe will hear the small amount of hope in it and work to crush it.
Millie nods. “Yeah, this is all him. The question is, are you going to let him run you off because he’s scared? Or are you going to go get your man, Char?”
I’m not kidding when I say she is the best at motivational speeches. Her words light a fire under my ass as I realize she’s right. I’m not ready to give up just yet. Not without letting him know what he means to me. Sitting up, I wipe my eyes and pull Millie in for a hug. “I love you so much, Mil. I’d be absolutely lost without you.
“I know,” she says, squeezing me back once before releasing me. “Now go get cleaned up and get your man.”
After a quick shower, I dress in a pair of black leather pants that fit me like a second skin. A bright red top that shines in the florescent lights and molds to my figure. And I top the look off with my rarely worn motorcycle jacket and black leather knee high boots. I leave my hair wild and curly, loosely framing my face, and take extra time on my makeup. Popping my red lips together, I take in my reflection and have to admit I look good. I look strong and sexy. Emmett won’t know what hit him when he sees me.
Millie sticks around just long enough to make sure I’m not going back to bed. I’m not. She leaves with a demand to call her and let her know how it goes right away. It’s after eight pm now and I should be able to find him at his bar. So, without giving myself time to overthink it, I shovel another mouthful of decadent brownies in my mouth and head out to my car.
“Don’t let me down, Coop,” I say as I grip the steering wheel and embark on quite possibly the most important task of my life. The butterflies flitting around my stomach reach epic proportions by the time I park outside The Whiskey Lounge, but I swallow down my nerves and steel my spine.
“You’ve got this,” I whisper as I walk into the bustling bar and scan the room for my prince. My heart leaps in my throat as I catch sight of him behind the counter. He looks as awful as I feel. His scruff having grown out almost long enough to be considered a short beard. The circles under his eyes suggest he’s been missing sleep too and I can’t tell if it’s my imagination or if he’s paler than he was eight days ago. I wonder briefly if he’s miserable because he misses me too or because he misses Maria. I shut that line of thought down and walk right up to him.
I can tell the moment he notices me. He looks up from the glass he’s been scrubbing for a full minute and his face blanches as the glass tumbles from his hand. It’s clear he isn’t expecting me. “Charley,” his voice is soft and disbelieving. And it makes me want to pull him in for a hug and never let him go.
Instead, I cross my arms over my chest, and meet his stare. “I’m tired of waiting for you to call me back.” My words are sharp, the hurt I’ve felt over the last eight days breaking through. I can feel tears stinging the corners of my eyes, but I don’t let them fall.
He has the grace to look ashamed. “I’m sorry, Charley. I should have called. You deserve better.” He looks away for a second, running his hands through his messy hair and sighing as if the weight of the world’s been resting on his shoulders for far too long. “I uh, I owe you an apology, Charley.”
His words bring me hope. I expected more of a fight from him, but he’s starting with an apology right off the bat. Maybe this will be successful after all. “Yes, you do. What happened back there? One minute we’re having a great time and the next you’re freezing me out like we’re complete strangers.” I throw my hands in the air in exasperation. I’ve gone over and over that night in my head time and time again. His reaction doesn’t make sense. “Did I do something wrong?” My voice is barely above a whisper as my worst fear leaves my lips. Somehow, I had done something to chase this man off.
Emmett rushes to reassure me, his large, warm hand landing on my forearm as he pleads with me to understand. “No, it’s not you, Charley.” He glances around the room as if he might find the words he needs to say in this room. My hope dashes in that instant as I realize he’s searching for the words to let me down easily. “Look, you’re amazing, but I’m not the kind of guy you’re looking for. I tried to be. I really wanted to be that guy for you Charley, but I’m not. You deserve better than me, Sunshine.”
His words pierce my heart like a bullet from a gun. It hurts. It’s a physical pain and I can feel a devastated scream welling up in my belly. I swallow the scream and the pain, but I can’t hold back the tear that slips down my cheek. After everything, he’s going to give me the generic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ break-up speech. And just walk away from me. Like our time together meant nothing to him. But I know that isn’t the case. Crossing my arms, causing his to fall to the tabletop, I yell, “Bullshit!” It came out louder than I intended and suddenly we had the attention of half the bar. But I didn’t care if I made a scene. I came to speak my mind, and I was going to do it no matter what.
Emmett just stares at me in shock. I don’t know what he expected, but it’s clear that me disagreeing with him wasn’t even a consideration. And that just makes me that much angrier. How dare he? “I’m not asking you to marry me, Emmett. I like you and I know you like me. I’m scared too. I’ve never felt this way for anyone in my life. The first man that I think I might actually be in love with, and he can’t get away from me fast enough.” As soon as the ‘L’ word leaves my lips Emmett takes a step back from me. He holds his hands up and opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but I don’t let him. I don’t need to hear the words. I already know how this goes. “We could have been good together, but instead you’re tucking your tail and running away.” Still huffing, I turn away from him and head toward the door.
I glance back when I reach it. He's still standing in the same spot, rooted by shock as he tries to figure out how to handle me. I think the word ‘love’ might have broken him. My shattered heart breaks a little bit more at the sight of the broken man.
twenty-three
Emmett
Millie: You’re a dumbass.
Millie: You can’t hide from me forever. You’re going to have to answer your phone at some point.
Millie: Fine, I’ll text it since you won’t pick up my calls. Just because Maria’s gone doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to find happiness again. You didn’t die that day too and it’s about time you realized that.
I flip the switch to turn my phone off and stick it under the bar. I don’t want to hear from Millie right now. I’m such an idiot. I knew this would happen. I don’t know why I let my guard down or why I even agreed to go out with Charley at all. I set myself up for failure. I try to push the morose thoughts from my mind and concentrate on the customers. It’s just now late afternoon, so the lounge isn’t busy yet, but I still have a handful of regulars ordering drinks here and there.
It’s hard to concentrate on drink orders or meaningless small talk when my mind keeps straying back to her. I wonder what she’s doing right now. If she’s looked at her phone and thought about texting me a half dozen times already today like I have her. If she’s started dating again. Even thinking that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
“Yo. Emmett?”
I hear the swish of the dishcloth before it smacks my face. Startled from my trance, I finally notice the drink I’m pouring is overflowing and coating the bar top with a sticky brown liquid. “Shit!” Trading the whiskey bottle for the bar towel, I work quickly to sop up the still expanding puddle of top shelf liquor before it spills to the floor.
“Seriously dude, what is going on with you today?” TJ’s voice holds a hint of concern and the barest amount of amusement as he eyes me like a puzzle he needs to solve. TJ is a good kid. Well, he isn’t really a kid anymore at thirty-two, but to me, he will always be the same scrawny kid running the neighborhood with my little brother. For a minute I almost considered telling TJ what’s on my mind. We have always been close, he was practically family, after all, so it wouldn’t be weird to talk to him about something so personal. But I discard the thought as quickly as it comes. I don’t feel comfortable talking about Charley with anyone. Not even TJ. And not just because I didn’t know what to say. So, I do what I do best, brush aside my feelings and get back to work.
“It’s nothing. I’m just a little distracted today.” Finally clearing up the majority of the spill, I reach beneath the counter for a soapy rag to combat the stickiness. I keep my head down in the hopes that avoiding eye contact with TJ will keep him from digging further into the subject.
