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“In a bar, like, when he can be arsed. Not enough to help him save that much cash.”
“You think he’s dealing, don’t you?” I asked gently.
Ellie’s eyes narrowed, and she shook her head.
“I don’t know what he’s doing, but all I know is he’s hurting my mum. She doesn’t deserve this shit behaviour.”
I was taken aback by her apparent lack of concern, and I tried a different tactic.
“Why do you think he’s behaving this way?”
Ellie gave me a strange look, shrugging her shoulders. Her hair spilt over them as she leaned forward, her knees moving up to her chin. She looked like she was fighting something, and I wasn’t sure what it was.
“Ellie?”
“I don’t know, probably daddy issues. But we’ve all got them, and you don’t see me losing my shit and worrying the fuck out of my mother,” she snapped, and I thought back to the other night when she was so drunk she couldn’t stand.
Deflecting away from correcting her, I twisted the crisp packet closed, my appetite disappearing.
“Anyway,” Ellie said breezily. “He’ll sort it out. Either that or he’ll get himself killed.”
“You don’t want that,” I stammered, unable to accept her attitude to this. “Have you spoken to any of his friends about it?”
“Raff said not to worry, so I’m not. He knows more about my brother than anyone. You can’t help people like Logan, Jess. We’ve tried.”
“Why?” I whispered, my voice barely audible for fear of crossing a line.
“Because he fights you. He fights you to continue destroying himself, which is exhausting.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, unable to offer any advice. “I feel like such a shit best friend.”
“Hey, if you want to make me feel better, dump Carlisle.” She laughed bitterly.
My stomach twisted in knots as I stared at my hands, noticing my thumb and forefinger covered in chilli-flavoured crisp powder. I licked them clean, feeling Ellie’s eyes on me.
“Even Raff said you’re too good for him, so he must have met him whilst I was shitfaced.”
“He did,” I admitted. “I’m starting to consider it, to be honest. We’ve not spoken in a few days.”
It’s true. I missed him, but I missed theoldhim. I wanted the old Carlisle to text me something funny or turn up with sweets and snacks so we could watch tv together like we used to. Now it was all about the gym and nights out, and I was expected to keep up.
“Jess, are you serious?” Ellie demanded, sitting up. “Do it. Right now, text the twat.”
“I’m not ready,” I shrugged, staring at the frozen image of the couple on the screen. “Have you heard from Jay?”
“Who?” Ellie said, rolling her eyes. “No, thank fuck. I swear, maybe you and I should get together. At least we’d be happy.”
“We would.” I smiled, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “If only we were that way inclined.”
Ellie groaned, flopping back onto my bed with a pout.
“Doomed to forever worship at the temple of cock.”
“Jesus!” I laughed as her phone lit up again. “Who is burning your phone out?”
“Raff,” Ellie said, frowning. “He said Logan is avoiding his calls.”
“God, that’s not good. Isn’t there anyone he’ll listen to?” I chewed on my lip as Ellie shook her head.
