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“My other grams,” Sadie confirms. “Hi.”
“Hi, sweetheart,” Erin says, and a tear finally falls.
“Are you sad?”
“No, sweety. I’m very, very happy to meet you.”
“I know that’s right,” she says, and I can’t help the laugh that bursts out of me at the catchphrase she has apparently learned from somewhere.
“I’m going to make some cookies. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me. Okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
My retreat is two-fold. Yes, I’d planned on making cookies for Zander. Also, I’m still adjusting to Cillian being around. There wasn’t enough time to prepare myself for it. Even if he is going to be a regular fixture in our lives, that doesn’t mean I can’t keep some boundaries with him.
It’s the best thing for all, since I figure we’re going to be at each other’s throats for the foreseeable future. The asshole may have come by to apologize last night, but he still hasn’t. He’s had years to do it; I wasn’t that hard to find, had he really tried.
He chose to discard me and then didn’t explain his reasons either. I’m not a saint, despite my middle name, but I wouldn’t have done that to him. I’d never intentionally make someone feel like they didn’t matter. Like they were temporary. A throwaway. Especially not someone I said I loved.
Cillian couldn’t have loved me. Not in the way that I loved him. It’s an acknowledgment that always breaks my heart all over again.
“Do you need any help?” Erin walks in as I’m dropping the last glob of dough onto the baking sheet.
“No, thanks. I’m just finishing up.” I slide the tray into the oven and set the timer, before turning to her. “I’m sorry I cut you off. There were reasons.” Emotions clog my throat, and her face falls.
“Sweetheart,” she says with a sigh, wrapping me in her arms. “I was a single mother, too. I know how hard it can be. I’m not mad at you. I’m sad you had your reasons and I only hope one day you trust me enough to tell me them.”
Erin doesn’t let me go until my heart rate slows back down. Maybe it’s her motherly intuition that lets her know when I’m ready to speak again, but something lets her know when it’s time.
“Sadie is perfect.”
“Well, I tend to agree,” I say. “But I’m probably biased.”
“I don’t think that’s it,” she says with a wink. “Cill bought me a house in Issaquah. I hope you’ll let me get to know you both better since I’ll be here for good now.”
“Of course, Erin. I’ve wanted that, truly I did. It was just complicated, and I didn’t handle it well.”
“No judgment, Isla. Let’s just move forward. Okay?”
“Thank you,” I tell her, feeling weepy all over again. I don’t deserve her understanding, but I appreciate it. “I was so worried you’d hate me.”
“Oh. Never, darling girl,” she says, giving me one more hug. “Regardless of what’s happened, you’ve given me the greatest gift. I’m going to focus on that, and you and my son can work out the rest.”
“Where is my favorite ankle biter,” Zan asks, walking through the front door, balancing two pizza boxes in one hand.
“Here I am,” Sadie yells, bounding around the corner.
“Wow, am I glad to see you. The pizza place put pineapple on one pizza, so you’re going to have to eat that one. It’s too gross for me.” He rubs her head in greeting.
“I’ll eat all of it!”
“Sorry, didn’t know you had company,” Zander says when he sees me standing next to Erin. At only nineteen, he is still in his bulk-up stage, but he’s made big strides there and is large for players his age. While he’s been trying to gain mass, I’ve been trying to lose it.
Zander is also a total heartthrob. He’s got those typical all-American looks you’d expect from a wholesome Midwestern born-and-bred athlete. Though, wholesome is a stretch.
“Oh, we were unexpected. I’m Erin Wylder,” she says, reaching a hand out for him to shake.
“Alexander Fane,” he tells her, grasping her hand in his as he gives me a pointed side-eye.
