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“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Shannon.”
“It’s okay.” She was quick to soothe, reaching across to rub my shoulder. “You don’t have to know. You’re only eighteen.”
Yeah, I was eighteen, but that was all my sister was right about. Because none of this was okay. It had never been okay, and it never would be. Of course I needed to know what to do. Deep down inside, I’d always known what to do.
It was a matter of overcoming the brain-numbing fear that had paralyzed me into silence. And seeing what he did to Molloy tonight? Yeah, that was my breaking point.
Never again would I cover for them.
Fucking never.
“I can’t be there, Shan,” I admitted, unwilling to go into the details of tonight’s events, thinking of Molloy’s wishes. “I can’t live like this anymore.”
“I know,” she replied, but it was a generic response that didn’t mean shit.
Stiffening with tension, I opened my mouth and uttered the words that I knew would cause a shitstorm, but needing to say them regardless. “I think we should consider what Aoife said.”
“What about what Aoife said?” she was quick to ask, turning to watch me. She knew exactly what I meant.
“Calling this in,” I admitted anyway and then braced myself for the bomb I was sure would erupt.
“You must be joking.”
I couldn’t answer her. I could hardly look her in the eye. The betrayal blazing from her blue eyes, directed at me, was too fucking much.
“I am not going into care,” Shannon screamed. “You’re fine. You’re over eighteen. You’ll get to live your own life and walk away. I will be put in a home!”
“Shannon,” I tried to placate, needing her to hear me out on this.
I knew she was scared, so was I, but this had to stop. We couldn’t live like this anymore. If something didn’t give, someone was going to die in that house. It would either be him or me.
“Aoife was talking to me last night about my future, and it made a lot of sense—”
“Your future,” she spat out, like it was the most disgusting thing I could possibly say to her.
“No, not just my future… That didn’t come out right.” My shoulders slumped in shame. “Not just me, Shannon. All of us.”
“I can’t believe you would even think about doing this to us after what happened to Darren,” she cried, shaking her head. “How could you think about doing that to us, Joey?”
Tears stung my eyes and I had never felt so fucking lost and hopeless.
Mam feared me.
Shannon felt betrayed by me.
Molloy couldn’t stand the sight of me.
The only three women I had ever loved in my whole life, and I was letting them down left, right, and center. I couldn’t seem to do the right thing by anyone.
You are such a fuckup, lad.
“If you want to go, then go!” Shannon screamed accusingly. “Go off and leave us! Go be with Aoife and have a wonderful life together! I’ll protect the boys—”
“You can’t even protect yourself!” I roared, losing my cool as my pain hemorrhaged out of my body in words. “I’m doing that, Shannon. Me! I’m the one trying to soften the blows, and they just keep coming!”
“Then maybe you and Dad will both get lucky and he’ll finish me off the next time,” she sobbed, dropping her head in her hands. “It’ll save you the worry and him the energy.”
“Don’t fucking say that, Shannon,” I strangled out, flinching from both the impact of her words and the thought of it happening. She couldn’t have hurt me more if she stabbed me through the heart.
