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“No, it wasn’t your place,” I sneered, beyond furious. “And you’re goddamn lucky Aoife didn’t fold under the pressure I have no doubt you put her under.” I shook my head in disgust. “Jesus Christ, Dar. I would never do that to you. Never. Every choice you’ve ever made, I’ve had your back. I’ve always supported you. Defended you.”
“I know you have.”
“Then why couldn’t you do the same for me?”
“I thought that’s what I was doing.”
“By hating on my girlfriend?” I spat out. “Jesus, Darren. After all the shit we’ve been through, why would you do that to me? Why would you try to scare off the one good thing in my life?”
“I don’t hate Aoife, Joe. Christ, I don’t even know the girl. Not really. I’m just… I wanted a different life for you.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter what you want, Dar, because this right here is my life,” I shot back, shaking. “It’s mine to live, and I plan on living it side by side with her. Because news flash, asshole, that girl is my life. Her and our baby. And if she wants a ring, she’ll get it. And a house, she’ll get that, too. And if the time comes where she wants more kids, then I’ll give them to her. Whatever she wants. Because we’re mirrors. Her and me. We’re aligned. That’s my future, Darren, and if you keep meddling in it, then you won’t be a part of it.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I have never been more serious in my life.”
“This is a disaster,” Darren mumbled, dropping his head in his hands.
“On the contrary,” Dr. B said. “I think this conversation was long overdue.”
“Damn straight,” I agreed as six years of resentment and pain burst to the surface. “You left me, Darren. You fucking left me with them. I loved you most. I looked up to you. I worshipped the goddamn ground you walked on, and you just disappeared from my life.”
“I know,” he choked out. “Jesus, I know.”
“I was twelve.” My voice was strangled and my chest heaving as I spilled my pain. “Twelve, Darren. When you were twelve, you had me. When I was twelve, I had nobody.”
“I’m so sorry, Joe.”
“Saying you’re sorry doesn’t fix it,” I choked out. “It’s a word. I know you mean it, I know you’re sorry, but it’s a fucking word, Darren. It doesn’t fix the hole you left in me.”
He flinched. “Joe.”
“What hurts the most isn’t the fact that you left,” I admitted, wiping a tear from my cheek. “I know you had to go. You were dying in that house. I get it. I understand that. What hurts the most is the fact that I stayed, and she still loved you more! And I’m jealous of that. I’m jealous and I’m resentful and I’m so fucking hurt that nothing I ever did was enough for her!
“And then you came back,” I quickly continued. “And it was as if everything I did for her, every sacrifice I made, every slap I took, was irrelevant. I was irrelevant because you were all she could see. I mean, let’s face it, Dar, you were all she ever saw, even when we were kids, but it never bothered me until you left. She put you on this pedestal, her precious, perfect firstborn, and nothing I did in the flesh could match her memory of you!”
“Yes,” Dr. B exclaimed, almost punching the air with excitement. “Fantastic, Joey.”
Darren and I both turned to gape at her. “Excuse me?”
“Verbalization,” she quickly explained. “Fantastic verbalization of your feelings. We have been working on this for months.” She smiled up at me like I was her favorite student and offered me a supportive thumbs-up, while every other member of my medical team looked on in horror.
“Listen, if I could interrupt for a moment,” John Sr. interjected in that cool, calm, and collected tone of voice, ready to steady the ship. “I may have a solution that could be of benefit to everyone.”
“Oh?” Edel sank down on the edge of the couch beside her husband and placed a hand on his knee. “Do tell, love?”
Cool as a breeze, John squeezed his wife’s hand affectionately before turning his attention to the many faces watching him. “You want to extend Joey’s treatment under the guise of uncertainty around his ability to cope under the pressures facing him when he returns home to Ballylaggin.” Turning to Darren, he added, “From what I’m gathering, one of your greatest concerns is your brother’s lack of prospects.”
“He doesn’t have any qualifications,” Darren replied with a grateful nod. “He hasn’t even finished school. He doesn’t have a trade. He doesn’t have a well-paying job. Hurling is out of the question for him. They won’t have him back. I’ve tried. Neither will BCS. They’re standing firm on their decision. There isn’t a school in the area who will consider taking him in.”
“Like I give a fuck,” I snorted.
“You should,” Darren growled. “You’ve got a baby to look after—something you’ve been extremely vocal about telling everyone. How do you propose to do that on a minimum-wage job. Because let’s face it, Joe, you with your record, you would be lucky to get a job stocking shelves.”
“I’m a good worker.”
“I never said you weren’t,” my brother argued. “But you have a record as long as your arm stacked up against you.”
