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So, instead of spending a night in the most exciting new bar in town, I drowned my sorrows in my sparse hotel room.
I replayed the interview over and over again in my mind. Had it really been as bad as I thought? They didn't seem to hate my pastry, that was for sure. And they'd said my work was technically well-executed. So why was it that I couldn't shake the feeling that I wouldn’t make it into the pastry school?
And what would happen if I didn't? What then? Get another job at a restaurant in New York? At this point, I didn’t have a single Plan B.
"Ugh," I groaned aloud, flopping onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling. “I think I just let you down, Dad. I’m sorry.”
As I began to cry, releasing some of the emotion I’d held on to over the last few weeks, I thought of my parents, and how much I missed them. Then I thought of Cole and the girls, and how much I missed them, too.
Just then, my phone chimed. It was Cole.
How did it go? I've been waiting to text!
I'd been thinking about what to tell Cole all afternoon. After all his positivity and support, I could barely bring myself to tell him how hard it had been. I wrote out a reply with gritted teeth.
Good, I think. They said my desserts were well executed!
It was a lie, and I felt rotten about it. Almost immediately, my phone rang.
"Hey, that's great news!" Cole's voice boomed through the speaker, his excitement contagious. "You know, I just got back from the bar, and I've been talking to Anthony about your interview. He was nervous for you, but obviously, I knew that you were going to ace it. Good news for Rhea, too—she got her belt! She's a gray and white belt now."
I tried not to sound like someone who had just been crying. "Oh, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for her.”
“She’s back at her mom’s now. I told her that you were rooting for her. You should have seen her. Never seen her look so determined. You’re a good influence.”
A pause as I choked back tears.
“That's lovely. She’s a fighter. And I'm so grateful to you for looking after Ant."
"It's a pleasure. He’s looking after me, mostly. I forgot to tell you—I took him out for a run yesterday evening. Well, I didn't forget to tell you, I was trying not to overload you with a bunch of nonsense before your interview."
"Well, it's over now."
"Right. So, I can unload all my nonsense on you now, right? Until your course starts, anyway. Fuck. I'm so proud. When does the course start? What did they say? Tell me everything!"
"Well, I've got to get in first. They said they'd be in touch."
"Okay, cool. I'm so excited for you."
"I can tell." Any other time, I would have loved to hear him like this. But right now, it was killing me. "Anyway," I said, feeling the tears start to return, "I’d better go. Gonna hit the town and celebrate."
"Right." He paused a moment. "Are you . . . okay?"
"Yep. Peachy."
"Good. I’m looking forward to seeing you. And just so you know, Anthony is trying to lick the phone because he's so excited to hear your voice."
"Tell him I miss him too," I croaked.
I put the phone down and the floodgates opened once more. I barely knew where one sadness ended and another began. My dad, my dreams, my man, the city. This wasn't right, I shouldn't feel like this. And yet I did.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Cole
She was due back any second. I paced the floor of my trailer.
I hadn’t paced like this since I was a kid. I remember my dad telling me off for it. "Will you quit marching around like that, son? You're gonna wear a hole in the floor!"
