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But she’s still hurt. Which means that an apology isn’t enough.
Not that I thought it would be. I have to show her the man I am until she’s confident that I’m never going to hurt her that way again.
“You’re right about that.” I glance over the side of the little cliff again as we walk higher up the mountain. “I want her to know that I’m the person who’s never going to hurt her again. I want to show her that there’s a way to have me and everything else she wants, but it feels like she isn’t willing to accept that it could be a reality.”
“A lot of times, it takes actions rather than words. Just keep showing her that she can rely on you. Sooner or later, she’s going to stop living in her fear and see that you’ve been there for her.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate the advice.” I dig my toe into the snow as I tilt my head to the sky and look at the clouds. “It looks like it’s going to snow harder.”
Patrick follows my gaze and nods. “We better find the hikers as fast as we can. They don’t have enough supplies to survive the night.”
23
JESSIE
The second Clara hands me the map, my stomach starts to turn. I take the compass from her, my gloved hand shaking as I look down at the two objects. Clara gives me an encouraging smile and heads for the path we’re going to be searching.
“I don’t know if you want me to be the one navigating. I’m not the best at it.” I fold the map into a quarter of the size, looking at only the part I need to. It might make it a bit easier for me to see where we’re going, but I’m still not good at navigation.
Clara slides the cover up over her mouth, that encouraging smile disappearing. “You can do it, Jessie. You’ve been improving over the past few training sessions. You’re going to do just fine out here.”
“Will you take over if I can’t figure it out?”
She nods and crouches down, scanning the ground for any sign of tracks that don’t belong to the volunteers. “Yes. You don’t have to worry about that though. You’re going to do great. Just take your time to really look at the map.”
I exhale slowly, trying to get a handle on my nerves. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to read a map. I can do this. I just have to stay calm and take the time to look at everything properly.
“We should be able to stay on this trail most of the way up.” I follow the red lines along the map that lead up the mountain. “There’s one spot where we’re going to have to leave the path to get to the top of the mountain though.”
“We’ll be fine.” Clara’s voice is warm, and it sounds like she believes in me, but I don’t believe in myself.
I have no business being out here. They should have left me back at the Barn. I should have volunteered to stay back at the Barn.
Snow continues to fall around us, the flakes melting as soon as they touch my nose. I pull out a pair of sunglasses and slide them on, blocking out the light reflecting off the snow.
“Do you think we’re going to find the hikers?” I hate the way my voice wavers slightly. I don’t like sounding scared, even though I am.
Not that I’m going to disclose that to her. I need Clara to see me as capable. When we get out of the woods, Patrick is going to debrief with everyone. He’ll want to talk about everything that went right and wrong with the mission.
I can’t get the fellowship if Patrick thinks I can’t do my job. I need a good reference from him.
The pressure swirls around inside me and I feel like I’m going to boil over at any moment.
Clara kicks a couple branches out of the way after taking a few steps. She points to some tracks as I come stand beside her. “These are hiker tracks. However, it’s probably the other group that went out this morning.”
“How can you tell?” I stoop beside her, my forearms balanced on my thighs as I look at the boot prints. “They all look the same to me.”
“You can tell based on the imprint the tread made.” She traces one finger around an imprint before tracing another. “These two here are different boots. This tread is more flat, and deeper toward the toes. This other one is a zigzag pattern. The imprint gets deeper around the heel, but it’s barely visible toward the toes.”
I get a closer look at the imprints, trying to see what she’s talking about. The snow flying in front of my face makes it hard to see. She’s right though. The imprints are deeper in two different places and the patterns of the tread vary.
“Now, look around at the rest of the tracks here and tell me what you see.” Clara stands up and takes a step back, leaving me to look at everything.
I study the tracks, moving forward a few feet and taking another look. “There are only two sets of tracks here. Does that mean there were only two hikers?”
Clara nods, the pom-pom on top of her bright orange hat bobbing. “Yes. Only two hikers. We know the group of four likely wasn’t on this trail. Which means that it could be another group of hikers, or they got separated from the others.”
“We’re still going to check this trail though, right? Make sure that the others didn’t wander away?”
