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She tucks her hands in her pockets and continues walking. “You’re right. We’re going to keep going, because we don’t know where the hikers ended up, or if they did get split up.”
I follow the tracks, the sled trailing behind me. It tugs on the harness, heavy as I move forward. The snow helps it glide, but the thing is still loaded with supplies.
Every now and then, I look at the map and the compass, making sure we’re still headed in the right direction.
“The tracks turn off this way.” I follow the tracks, looping after them as they head off the path and into the trees.
Clara follows along behind me, humming to herself. She seems to think I’m still doing a good job, which eases some of the nauseous feeling rolling through me.
I still don’t think I have any business doing the navigating, but I haven’t screwed it up yet.
I have to think positively. I’m doing great at the navigating. I haven’t gotten us lost yet. We’re going to find the hikers and everything is going to be fine. I’m going to be fine.
Unless the hikers got too cold. The temperature is still dropping and darker clouds drift across the sky. Snows falls faster, but it’s still clear enough to see where we’re gong.
I hope it stays that way until we find the hikers.
As we hike up the mountain, the tracks start to disappear. I check the map, trying to figure out how far we are from the trail. Without being able to see the tracks, it makes the most sense to return to the trail. We’re safe on the trail.
It’s harder to get lost on the trail.
The cold starts to seep through the layers I’m wearing as we turn toward the trail. Snow blows harder and the wind howls through the trees. Clara steps closer to me, keeping one hand on my back as she guides me through the trees.
“Should we keep looking, with the snow coming down this hard?” I wipe snow off the map, looking at the lines that creep across the terrain.
“We’re fine out here for now. The snow is coming down hard, but we haven’t reached conditions where I would consider turning around. This should pass quickly enough.”
Clara doesn’t seem worried about the snow, but I am. I know how quickly the snow can turn from something minor into something major. I was out there when that storm swept up all those years ago. I saw my dad’s dead body.
I don’t want to see my rescue partner’s dead body.
“I think we should maybe start thinking about heading back. What if this snow gets worse? Visibility is already getting low. What if it gets worse? We won’t be able to see anything and then we’re never going to be able to find our way back.”
Clara sighs and takes the map from me, looking around at the trees surrounding us. “Jessie, where are we?”
I lean over her shoulder and look at the map before glancing at the landmarks around us. Nothing looks familiar anymore.
“I don’t know. I thought we were right here.” I press my finger to a spot in the map just a short distance away from a pond that would be frozen this time of year. “We should be right here. The pond should be just to our right.”
She shakes her head, the map crumbling in her fist. “We’re not near the pond, Jessie. I think you need to retrace our steps and go back to the snowmobiles. Wait there for the rest of the group to show up with the hikers.”
Her words are a sharp knife straight through the chest. Even though I know I messed up, I didn’t think she would want me to leave.
I’m not going to get the fellowship now. I’m never going to be able to prove to my mom that I can keep someone alive.
I’m never going to make up for letting my dad die.
She’s going to hate me for the rest of our lives. She’s never going to forgive me.
If anything happens to the hikers because I couldn’t navigate, I’m never going to forgive myself either.
“I can still help.” My voice breaks as I blink back tears. “I think I know where we took a wrong turn. I can still get us out of this. Please, Clara, I just want to help. I know I can do this.”
Clara lifts the map closer to her face as the snow comes down in thicker clumps. “I think you’ve done enough for one day, Jessie. Just go back to the clearing and wait for everyone there.”
“I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I thought I was leading us in the right direction.”
Clara’s shoulders are stiff, resting high near her ears as she turns to me. “I’m going to meet up with one of the other groups. Head back now, Jessie. We can’t keep going on like this. If the snow comes down harder, I can’t worry about how lost you’re going to get us.”
