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I slowly got to my feet. My father’s voice boomed like the curses of a vengeful god.
“You throw a party in my house and think I won’t find out?”
His next punch hit me like a sledgehammer. White sparks flew in my vision, and the next thing I knew I was sideways on the lawn, warm grass pressing against my cheek. The same cheek Alyssa had slapped.
Liam was standing over me. He pleaded with my father, insisting that the party was his idea. Trying to deflect the blame away from me. I loved him for that, but this wasn’t his fight.
Once again I climbed to my feet. My father’s eyes flared with fire to see me standing before him again. He was the personification of everything I hated, everything that was wrong in this world. Toxic masculinity wrought in flesh and bone. If there were ever a time to fight back, to use my size and strength to defend myself, this was it.
I was moving out soon. Alyssa had rejected me. Nothing mattered anymore. My hands curled into fists as I regarded my father.
That’s when I noticed her. Standing on her porch two doors down, staring in this direction with her mom. Alyssa fucking Ford. The cause of, and antidote to, so many of my teenage emotions.
No matter what had happened upstairs just now, she made me want to be a better man. The best version of myself. I forced myself to relax.
“Hit me,” I said to the forty-year-old bully. “I don’t care anymore.”
With a snarl, he obliged me.
My face throbbed later that night as I laid in bed, thinking about the events of the day. It was a good party. I’d received dozens of texts about it from friends and acquaintances. I’d pissed off my dad, which felt like a win—despite the beating I had taken as a result.
But all I could think about was Alyssa. How I had bungled the entire thing. Maybe if I had made a move sooner, months or even years ago, things would’ve been different. We could have been together. We could have been something special.
My door swung open, and my father’s frame filled the doorway. A jolt of fear hit me, but then I realized he was smiling. That only deepened my terror. He never smiled, not like this.
“I just got off the phone with Richard Pamploma,” he said through his grin. “Apparently he’s on the board of admissions at Auburn. There’s some problem with your admission. Paperwork you never filled out.”
My stomach sank.
“Before you go blaming me for your problems, I swear I had nothing to do with this,” my father said. “Lord knows I want you out of my fucking house. No, this fuck-up is all on you.”
“I’ll get it sorted out,” I replied.
My dad snorted. “From what Richard said, this isn’t the kind of thing that gets sorted out. Hope you have a back-up plan. Because come August, you’re out of here, even if it means you’re living on the street.”
The door closed.
There it was. The consequence of hitting Darren. His threat wasn’t a bluff after all.
My phone chimed in my pocket. I expected it to be another text from someone about the party, but it was someone else.
Alyssa: I saw what happened. I’m really sorry about everything. Do you want to get lunch tomorrow? I’d really like to talk about everything. I don’t want to leave things like this.
I stared at the text for a long time. Hours. Part of me wanted to accept her offer, to hash things out at lunch tomorrow. To make things right. There was so much I needed to say to Alyssa, so much that she needed to know.
In the end, I knew it didn’t matter. Reconciling with her was pointless. She was leaving for Clemson, and I was… well, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. And my feelings for her were responsible for that.
Me: I don’t have anything to say to you, Alyssa. Not tomorrow, or the day after that, or ten years from now. I never want to see you again. I hope you have a great life.
I hit send, and a wave of new emotions washed over me. Relief, and pain. Regret, and acceptance. A thousand other feelings I couldn’t possibly put into words.
She’s bad news. This is for the best.
Not wanting to be tempted by anything else she had to say, I blocked her number and turned out the light.
If I was lucky, I would never see her again.
34
