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My family. My love.
Anger and self-hatred seared through me until all I could feel was all-consuming rage.
I exhaled. Forced myself to let go of those feelings. My temper was what brought us here in the first place.
It didn’t help. Not now, not ever.
I focused back on Matt, tears falling from my eyes mixing with the blood trickling through my hands.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Ilooked up at the car arriving, then at the flashing lights casting eerie shadows across the scene.
Finally, the ambulance had arrived.
“Here,” I croaked and stood for a moment, waving my arms before kneeling back down and reapplying pressure.
The paramedics swiftly took over, and I stumbled back and watched them work on him. I watched them carefully lifting Matteo onto a stretcher. I followed them.
I could feel a hand on my shoulder and looked into Gabe’s clear eyes. But it was all removed as if it wasn’t really happening.
I walked towards the ambulance and watched them stabilize Matt.
Gabe exchanged words with the EMTs—but I couldn’t hear over the dull beating of my heart filling my ears and drowning out everything else.
One of the EMTs pulled me inside and strapped me in, then gave me a wet towel to wipe my hands. But I couldn’t take my eyes off of Matt.
As we sped towards the hospital, I clenched my fists, desperate to regain control of the situation. My hands throbbed with pain, but it was nothing compared to the ache in my heart.
Please, let him make it. No matter what it took or who stood in my way, Matt had to survive, and I would bring Fee back and make those responsible pay.
When we reached the hospital, they immediately rushed Matteo into surgery.
I paced the hospital waiting room, my mind jumping frantically from thought to thought.
Was Fee okay? Would Matt survive? How did I not see this coming?
I sighed, hollowness and exhaustion overtaking my anger.
How did I cause so much pain to those I loved most?
I rubbed at the squeezing sensation in my chest. Pain shot up my arms, and I stared at my hands. I still had the towel in my left hand. My right was covered in dried blood, mixed with burnt flesh.
Throbbing, burning, searing pain.
I slumped down on one of the chairs, feeling more lost and helpless than ever before.
The doors slid open, and my mother rushed in, Gabe and Sophie on her heels.
“Alex,” she cried and sank down on the chair next to me, grabbed my shoulders and pulled.
I sank against her, inhaled her familiar scent, and immediately choked up. “I’m so sorry, Mama.”
She shushed me. “I know,” was all she said, before she pulled me into an embrace. “It will all be okay. We’ll get through this together,” she whispered before hugging me even tighter.
But nothing could erase this pain, the knowledge that I’d destroyed those I loved most.
“Alex,” Gabe said, touching my arm gently. “A word?”
