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16
Potholes
“Are we nearly there yet?”
My stomach twists and I reply, “Yes, we’re nearly there.”
“Yay!” sounds excitedly from the back seat.
Gravel crunches under the tyres as I try to avoid the potholes up the well-known road past fields and farm buildings. The poly pocket taped to the wall still hangs next to the reception that’s now closed for the autumn and winter months.
I park and get Adam out of the car, making sure his coat is zipped up. It’s so strange being here – it’s so quiet. Christ, what am I doing? I don’t even know if anyone is home.
“I thought I heard a car drive up.”
I startle and turn to the imposing figure standing behind me.
“Trev’r!”
My son is not as shocked as me, he runs the few steps to Trevor and hugs his knees. Trevor lifts Adam from under his arms and Adam gives him a proper hug.
“Hello there, Adam.”
Adam laughs and runs his palms down Trevor’s cheeks. “You’ve got beard!”
He has indeed. I didn’t think Trevor could look more handsome, but damn, that beard matures him in ways that sets my galloping heart on fire.
“What are you doing here?” Trevor asks Adam, but his electric blue eyes harden as they drift from my son to meet mine.
Adam takes it upon himself to answer, which may be a good thing as I’m struggling to breathe, let alone talk.
“I wanted to see Rosie, but Dad said ‘no’ because I’ve just started school. I’m in P1 and Miss Walker is my teacher, she’s very nice, but I can’t bring my Moo to school she said. And then today Dad said that we could go and see Rosie, he said maybe she wouldn’t be home, but we could try and if she wasn’t home, we could go and see if the cows were on the beach. Is Rosie home?’ All through his monologue, Adam caresses Trevor’s beard and he finishes with a giggle. “It’s so soft.”
“Rosie is home.”
“Is she?” He wriggles out of Trevor’s arms and runs back to me, beaming. “I told you she’d be home!”
I ruffle his hair. “You never lost faith.”
“Can we go see her? I need to pick some grass.”
Trevor chuckles. “She’s on the field behind the barn. We can pick some grass on the way. Have you got wellies?”
School has really done Adam good, he’s less clingy than only a couple of months ago, and he continues his lively chatter as we change footwear. Which is good, as the glances that Trevor sends me don’t encourage any conversation.
With Adam a few steps ahead of us, carefully picking the greenest straws of grass, Trevor breaks the silence.
“Why are you here?”
I swallow hard, missing the sarcasm that used to lace his words.
“I’ve told my family.”
“Told them what?”
“That I… That I’m gay.” I take a deep breath. “It’s still strange saying it out loud.”
He glances at me from the corner of his eyes. “So you’re finally out. Took you long enough.”
