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He was a modern-day knight, and her sister was his queen. There was no one else she could think of who deserved happiness more.
Her father began bringing in the plates of appetizers, uncorking wine, and pouring Izzy's favorite drink, cranberry and seltzer with a twist of lime. Chatter ensued, food was picked at, kids raced around the rooms squealing and giggling in lighthearted play, and Izzy closed her eyes, savoring the moment of just being with family.
"I'm here! I'm here!" Gen rushed in with Wolfe at her heels. "You better not have eaten all the tomato and mozz!"
Maria MacKenzie popped out of the kitchen, shaking her head at her husband. "Genevieve, you know I always save you some on the side. Your father can't help it. The mozz balls make him lose his mind."
They burst into laughter, and Izzy greeted her twin and Wolfe, the love of Gen's life. With his wicked serpent tat that scrolled up his arm and neck and wrapped around his ear, his stinging blue eyes, and his overall hotness factor, he'd caused her some turbulence when they'd first met and she crushed on him hard. Of course, with her drug use, that crush had eventually turned vicious, especially when she realized her twin was his preference. Still, Wolfe never made her feel anything but accepted and loved in his circle, his forgiveness evident in his gaze and smile when he saw her. She had offered him a formal apology during her repentance steps, and he'd just hugged her and said he understood better than she could ever know. "How's Kinnections treating you?" he asked.
"I really love it. I think I actually see a future there."
"I'm so glad for you, Izzy." He squeezed her hand and she smiled at him.
"Thanks."
"If you two don't start eating and stop gabbing, I can't be expected to save all the plates," her mother warned, giving them a big smile to soften her words.
They snacked and drank, catching up on everyone's news. When Maria called them to the table, it was filled with all of their favorites for the usual Sunday feast. Bowls of pasta with gravy and meatballs, garlic bread, homemade ravioli, huge bowls of fresh salad drizzled with homemade dressing made of olive oil, infused vinegar, herbs, and of course more garlic. Izzy took some grilled eggplant and a small bowl of pasta, her stomach still not back to normal after her breakup with Liam.
Actually, nothing was normal any longer.
She walked around with a hole she couldn't seem to fill. She smiled and did her job at work, but the world around her had dulled, losing its interesting angles and sharp edges she used to enjoy. She spent most nights home with Leia and made sure to go to extra meetings in case her plummet urged her to use.
But there was no desire for drugs. No desire for anything. She just existed, and in between every action she thought of Liam and what she had thrown away in the pursuit to save him.
"You're not eating, Isabella," her mother observed.
"I had a big breakfast," she said, plastering a fake smile on her face. Everyone nodded, but her twin stared at her with pure suspicion.
After the ravioli-eating contest, they declared her niece Maria the winner and began to clean up. Halfway through, Gen motioned her to follow. Climbing the stairs, they went into their childhood room, still filled with youthful posters of cute pop stars, and still painted the color of Pepto-Bismol. They climbed up on the queen-size bed--which had been the only upgrade for guests--and sat cross-legged. Gen propped her face in her palm. "Tell me everything. Is it Liam?"
Izzy had already confessed to Gen about their first meeting, getting the puppies together, and falling into a dating-type pattern. But every time her sister tried to get her to tell her the real reason she was freaked out, Izzy changed the subject. "We broke up last week."
Gen sucked in her breath, studying her face. "Why?"
Izzy lifted her hands, choking back tears. "I did it. I broke up with him. I was terrified that we'd end up hurting each other. No, that' s a lie. I was terrified I'd hurt him. Yes, I've been clean two years, but he's a cop, and I know how these things work. I met some of his friends at Ray's Billiards and one of them told me he despised drug users and that they were the scourge of the earth. He said addicts can go back to using anytime. And he's right. I'm dangerous."
"Wait--have you had the desire to use lately?"
"No. I met with my sponsor and attended an extra meeting but I'm fine."
"Okay, are you saying Liam didn't trust you not to use?"
"No, he told me to forget about what Tim said and he confessed he loved me and said he wants a future together. He said I was strong and brave and he didn't care about my past."
Gen scrunched up her face. "I'm confused. He said all that and you still broke up with him?"
Ridiculous tears stung her eyes. "Yes. I left him because I can't trust myself. I think he deserves better than me, Gen. I love him too much to hurt him."
Gen let out a broken cry and held her tight. "Poor baby; I'm so sorry. Listen, I can tell you a whole bunch of things that make perfect sense but I'm not you. I didn't go through your struggles and I can't pretend to know the answers. But I do know exactly who you need to talk to, Izzy."
She sniffed. "Someone as fucked-up as me? Who?"
"Dad."
Izzy looked up. Her sister gazed at her with a touch of sadness. "I haven't told him anything about Liam. Not even Mom."
"Dad went through something similar, and I really think you should talk to him. Will you do that for me?"
The idea of telling her father such intimate struggles was hard. She loved him fiercely, but after he'd left, she'd distanced herself for a long while, taking most of her teen years to fully forgive and trust him completely again. She wasn't used to sharing her heart with her father, especially when her twin had been her true confidante.
But her gut told her to go to him. She nodded. "Yeah. I think I will."
Gen pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Go now. I'll cover you with the cleanup. You know Lance is going to be knocking on the door, whining because we scurried away before all the plates were washed."
Izzy laughed. "I love you, Gen."
"Love you, too."
Izzy went downstairs with her sister and found her father pretending to fiddle with the dessert tray. She knew he was only wasting precious time until the table was clean and he could steal the first few rainbow cookies. "Dad?"
He half jumped and looked up guiltily. "Oh, hi, honey. Just trying to help get dessert ready."
"Do you think I can talk to you for a second?"
He frowned, straightening up. "Of course. It's a mild night. Wanna go on the deck?" She nodded, and they walked out the sliding doors into the brisk fall air. They sat down on matching deck chairs and faced each other. "I'm trying not to be your mom and freak out. Can you just tell me nothing's wrong with your health?"
"Oh, no, Dad; I'm fine."
He let out a relieved breath. "Thank God. Okay, hit me with it. I'm good for anything else."
She smiled, clasping her hands together. "It's about a guy."
"I know that, sweetheart. I'm your Dad. It's always about a guy."
A small laugh escaped her. "It's a long story."
He nodded, his kind eyes gazing at her with a steadiness that soothed. "Then you start at the beginning."
She did. Izzy told him all about the night they first met, leaving out the details, and took him up to the night she'd left Liam. When she finished, he contemplated her in silence for a long while, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
Surprise hit when he rubbed his face and she saw a glint of tears shining in his blue eyes. Her heart stopped. "Dad, are you okay? I'm sorry if I upset you."
He shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize about. I'm going to tell you a story, Izzy. I never shared this with you because you're my daughter, and there're certain things you shouldn't know about your father. When I left all of you and took off, I was in a dark place. You see, my entire life I felt as if there were these demons inside me, hidden somewhere but always ready to spring out. I never felt . . . fulfilled. I l
oved your mother so damn much. I loved you kids. But when I drank, something loosened inside and I thought I felt free. Powerful. It made everything better, and easier, or so I thought. The drinking got so out of control, your mother threw me out, and I took off. I had some terrible moments. I woke up in alleys sometimes. I'd work driving a cab, save up some money, then go on a bender for days.
"One day, I was driving a cab and picked up this lady to take her to Montefiore Hospital. On the way, she chatted about her life story and then asked me for mine. For some weird reason, I told her I had a family but I'd left them. She said the lure of the bottle was sometimes overpowering but that it was never too late to get my life back. Everything hit me at once. As I drove, I realized I despised myself so much I could never go back. I had lost everything that was important.
"She repeated her words again to me: It's never too late to get your life back. When I reached the hospital, she handed me a hundred-dollar bill and said, 'Take the first step, Jim. Get your family back.' Then she left.
"I don't know how she knew my name. I never told her, and my badge was in the glove compartment--I had never put it up. I sat there in the hospital parking lot for a long time, then drove back to Dispatch, took another cab straight to rehab, and checked myself in."
Izzy held her breath, hand pressed to her mouth. "You never told me."
"I know. It was a long road back. First I had to forgive myself. Make amends. Take the time to heal my insides, where all the bad stuff lay in wait. You know the process, Izzy. Meetings. Talks with your sponsor. One day at a time. Eventually I got there, and I was allowed to be a husband and a father again. So, let me ask you this. Do you think I deserved to get you all back?"
She jerked back. "That's a ridiculous question! Of course. It was horrible what you did and how you hurt us, but you've been with us every day. You earned back our trust. I am so grateful to have you as my father."
"And your mother? Do you think I deserved for her to give me a second chance? To spend the rest of her life wondering if I'd ever make another mistake and leave again?"
