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Oh, what do you know, I’d ordered the clam, shrimp, and chorizo pasta.
As David disappeared, I reached for my napkin, placed it over my lap, and then carefully laid out my utensils. When I looked up, I found Killian grinning at me. “What?”
“I was just thinking how put together you are. How buttoned up and proper. With the napkin and the perfect manners.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhmm. Makes me want to ruffle your feathers. Makes me so fucking curious about how you are when you finally give in and let go.”
With him, I’d be insatiable. I already knew that.
I loved sex, everything about it. From the racing pulse, to the sweaty skin, to the push and pull that I knew I’d have with Killian. As I stared into his knowing eyes, I was more than aware that the man across from me would be the best sex of my life.
“That’s part of the problem,” I said, and stabbed at one of the shrimp.
“What is?”
“You make me want to forget about everything but…”
“But?”
“But finding a bed and getting in it with you.”
“I don’t see a problem with that.”
“And all I can see are problems with that. I’ve been here before, Killian. Back when I first started. And I promised myself I’d never go there again.”
Killian’s jaw twitched, and I wasn’t sure if it was frustration over me again denying him, or over the thought of me in bed with someone else. I quickly had my answer.
“So you’re denying the both of us because of some asshole you let into your bed years ago? I don’t know who this guy is, but I really fucking hate him.” Killian reached for his Heineken and took a swig. “I’m not him, you know.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because it doesn’t sound like you do.” Killian picked up his fork and speared a piece of steak on his plate. “Sounds like you’re punishing me for something he did.”
“By not sleeping with you? Come on, Killian—”
“No, you come on, Levi. That night back in Atlanta?” Killian paused, his eyes roaming over my face, searching for something, but I wasn’t sure what. “It was the best night of my life. Fallen Angel had just kicked ass and we knew we had something really special going on again. But it was what came after that made that night so fucking amazing—you.”
I let out a shaky sigh. This was hopeless, it was like butting heads with a bull. A very persistent, very persuasive bull.
“You’re right,” I said. “That night was amazing. That kiss, nothing short of spectacular. And if I give in and end up in your bed, it’s those things that tell me I’m going to get hurt. The same way I have been before.”
“Levi…” Killian put his fork down and reached for my hand.
“You want the dirty details?” I said, looking him directly in the eye. “You want to know why I have rules? Why I don’t fuck around with my clients?”
Killian said nothing, and I took that as a resounding yes.
“When I first started, I interned with Vista Records and was working with The Nothing. I was young, naive, and more than a little green, so you can imagine how flattered I was when Jonny took a special interest in me.”
“Wait a fucking minute.”
Killian’s interruption wasn’t all that unexpected. I’d known he and the other guys from TBD were pretty close with The Nothing, which was why I’d tried to keep this humiliating piece of my past far, far away from my current place of employment.
“You’re telling me that you and Jonny were together?”
I winced at the disgust in Killian’s voice but knew it wasn’t for me.
“Together is too kind a term for what he reduced it to.”
“That motherfucker.”
Choosing not to address that, I forged ahead, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “They were hot and new on the scene. I got wrapped up in the thrill of working so close to someone I admired, and when he invited me up to his room for a drink one night, I thought, where’s the harm in that?”
Killian had stopped eating his meal and was watching me with an intensity I’d never felt from him before. He was fuming mad, but not at me, at the situation, at the one who wasn’t there for him to yell at.
“What happened?” Killian said between clenched teeth. “Did he hurt you?”
The answer was no, not physically, and thank God for that. I wasn’t quite sure what Killian would do if the answer had been yes.
“We were together for about five months. I thought we were one thing—a couple working out the best way to navigate this new thing between us—but the day they were set to leave on their first international tour, I was let go from the internship. A decision, I was told, that was made by the band.”
