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He tramped up to the front door and into the small house she had transformed from four gloomy, gray walls into a sunlit haven of peace. Every time he walked inside, that fear bit into his gut. All of this—his wife, his wheat field—could be wiped out in a single second.
The house seemed unnaturally quiet, and then he remembered Leah was visiting Ellie Johnson, the schoolteacher. He had thought about taking Teddy fishing for trout in Swine Creek, but the boy had already made plans with Harvey Poletti, the lad who’d bloodied his nose a month ago. He knew he should spend more time with Teddy, but maybe it was better for his son to make friends.
Restless, Thad roamed through The kitchen, the living room and finally, against his better judgment, ended up in the bedroom. The quilt, the pillows, even the striped yellow window curtains smelled like Leah, a lemony scent with a hint of soap. Hell, he loved everything about her.
He stalked out onto the front porch and strained his eyes in the direction of the road. He needed to do something to keep his mind off Leah; maybe he’d ride over to the Halliday place and ask about Matt’s new colt. Teddy’s birthday was coming in April. It didn’t take a genius to figure out his boy wanted a horse of his own.
Teddy’s eighth birthday fell on a dry, warm day in mid-April. Matt Johnson had brought the roan colt over on a lead the night before, and Thad had hid it in the barn. He could hardly wait until morning.
At breakfast, Leah poured him a second mug of coffee and he leaned forward in his chair to fold his hands around it.
“Teddy, could you help me out this morning?”
The boy’s face brightened. “Sure, Pa.”
“Go on out to the barn and, um, check Lady over before Leah rides into town today.”
The boy gobbled down the rest of his pancake and streaked out to the door to the barn. He returned in under a minute and threw himself into Thad’s arms, knocking the mug of fresh coffee all over the breakfast table.
Leah did not care. She laughed while she mopped up the spill and exchanged looks with Thad. Hidden behind a hay bale in the new colt’s stall was a brand-new boy-size leather saddle.
Teddy was so excited he could not stop talking. “Pa, he’s just the most beautifulest horse in the whole world and I’m gonna call him Red and please kin I ride him today?”
Thad sent Leah a grin. In that moment she realized how long it had been since she had seen him smile. He had been so preoccupied lately both she and Teddy were feeling more than a bit neglected. At least, she thought with resignation, they had each other, and Teddy’s insults weren’t as barbed. Yesterday he’d said her hair looked like “rotted corn silk,” but he’d set her hairbrush to dry in the sun, as she’d asked.
The spring weather grew warm, and then hot as the sun beat down on the fields. Thad spent a good deal of time watching his wheat grow taller, and while it made him feel good, at the same time an uneasiness fluttered in his belly; it felt like a flock of chickens with a fox in the yard. Somehow he figured that if he could maintain control over his wheat field, that meant he could control other uncertainties. That he would not be destroyed by some catastrophe that might snatch Leah away from him, as it had Hattie.
The only thing he could do to protect himself was not care so much about her. He was trying to distance himself from Leah, but it sure wasn’t easy. At night he ached to touch her, to envelop her strong little hands in his, to twine his fingers into the shiny black hair spilling over her shoulders.
His fear of losing her was so gut-deep he wondered if he could ever shake it. He couldn’t talk about it; mostly, he guessed, because he didn’t really understand it himself. Every evening he managed to roll away from her and try to sleep while she lay breathing quietly, expectantly, in the dark.
All he knew for sure was that he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.
Chapter Sixteen
When the ruts in the town road dried into a navigable washboard, Leah decided one warm Saturday afternoon to brave the Ladies’ Knitting Circle. Would she be accepted by the group? What should she wear? What should she say?
Stuffing down her anxiety, she resolutely saddled up Lady and slowly rode the mare to Verena Forester’s shop in town, wearing her best long skirt and ruffled calico shirtwaist, and a tentative smile. After tying the horse to the hitching rail in front of the barbershop, she hesitantly climbed the stairs to the dressmaker’s second-floor apartment.
“Leah!” Ellie Johnson rose at once and embraced her. “I’m so glad you are joining us.”
Jeanne Halliday smiled a welcome from her chair across the room and gestured to the empty place beside her. Verena gave her a cold-fish stare and Darla Weatherby, seated next to Ellie, refused to speak or to meet Leah’s eyes.
