Page 28 of Before I Lost You

“Desperately,” I whisper, kissing him softly. “Ferociously.”

Kenneth’s exhale is shaky against my lips, and his hand comes up to my face, where he brushes his knuckles against my cheekbone. “I think—” I hear him gulp. “I think I may want that, too.” My breath hitches. “Show me, Conrad.”

“I will,” I promise.

He kisses me softly once more, then pulls away and closes his eyes. I watch him for a long time, the moonlight now streaming in through the window. The light is soft, but I can still make out his features. His breaths come in slower and deeper, and I’m lost in thought for a long time before I fall asleep holding his hand.

He stayed.

For me.

With me.

Chapter 10

BORROWED TIME

The smell of coffee is what pulls me out of my deep slumber, and I hear the clattering sound of pots and pans striking together in the background. Kenneth is up and making a mess of my kitchen. It makes me smile, the thought of him making himself at home. There’s something so soothing about it, a feeling that maybe this could be real for him, too. That we could have a future together—if he let us.

I’m relieved he didn’t leave this morning. I can’t lie, I definitely thought I’d wake up to a cold bed and an empty penthouse. He got what he wanted after all—sex—so I thought he’d fuck off out of my life. It’s more than surprising that he’s still here. That I didn’t spook him with all my promises of showing him what love really is like. My confession of wanting marriage and building a life with someone. For a person who fears commitment, he sure is handling it fairly well. I think.

I get up and take a piss, brush my teeth, and pull on a pair of gray sweats sans underwear. Taking a deep breath, I open the bedroom door and walk toward the kitchen on light feet. Ken is at the stove, his back to me. He sips his coffee and puts the mugback on the counter, then grabs the spatula from beside it. There are two plates on the counter near him with toast, bacon, and fruit on them. I lean against the kitchen island and watch him silently, feeling too much for the man in my kitchen. Though I definitely know this man quite intimately.

One-night stands don’t usually involve breakfast in the morning, so a stupid part of me is hopeful that he’s finally coming around to the idea of giving me more. He knows how I feel, that I don’t want something casual with him. This doesn’t feel like a rejection, though I’m hoping he’s not leading me on… right into a dead end. That would be fatal for my poor fucking heart. I don’t even want to imagine the heartbreak—because he was right last night when he said love usually ends in pain. I was just hoping we’d be different. I’m still hoping for that. Maybe I am a romantic after all. Or maybe I’m just delusional.

Kenneth is humming a song under his breath, and I hold mine as I try to listen. He begins to sing then, louder, and I grin. Until I hear the lyrics. It’s a love song. One that talks about a love that only comes once in a lifetime. How he sees forever with that person, and he’s wishing on dandelions for it to come true. I gulp at the tight feeling in my chest, and it makes me wonder if he’s casually singing it because it popped into his head, or if this means more. I’m afraid to hope. Afraid that if I do, everything will come crumbling down. I’m not scared of loving him; I’m scared of him crushing me. Shattering my heart and turning my dreams into dust.

He scrapes the scrambled eggs onto the plates, then grabs them and turns around, just to gasp. I give him a warm smile, and he returns it. I can tell it’s genuine because all his dimples are on display, small lines crinkling the sides of his eyes. Then it falls, and he narrows his eyes.

“You were supposed to stay in bed so I could bring breakfast to you,” Kenneth scolds, and I grin, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you making me breakfast in bed, Ken?”

“Well, I was trying to,” he huffs, but when I chuckle, he grins. “Let’s go back to your room and pretend you never got up.”

“I can do that,” I tell him, walking back towards the room and climbing onto the bed. I prop the pillows against the headboard, settling against one and looking at him expectantly. “Is this better?”

“Yeah, Connie.” He smiles, handing me my food. “You’re being such a good boy.”

I smirk, “Is that so?”

“Yes,” he replies, setting his plate on the nightstand.

“Does that mean I get a reward?” I ask him in a sultry tone.

“You’re already horny again?” Kenneth laughs.

“You’re not?” I raise an eyebrow again.

He narrows his eyes playfully. “I’m eating breakfast, Conrad. I worked hard on it. So eat your damn food and stop thinking with your dick.”

I throw my head back and laugh, and he disappears out of the room, returning with two steaming mugs of coffee. He sets them on the nightstand next to his food, then grabs his plate and settles next to me on the bed. He’s close enough that I can feel the heat of his body, but not quite close enough to touch him. I take a bite of the food, just to moan. It’s damn good, and I look at him with wide eyes.

“Oh, don’t be so surprised,” he tells me, rolling his eyes. “I can cook.”

“I see that,” I reply. “It’s amazing.”

“Thanks.” He takes a bite of his food, chews, and once he swallows, he continues, “My mom taught me to cook when I was in elementary school.”