Page 47 of Before I Lost You

So why the fuck can’t I give it to him?

Why does this make me feel so goddamn broken?

“Conrad!” he yells, smacking the door once. He’s crying now, and I rest my forehead against the door and try to catch my breath. It’s coming so fast it hurts my chest, and for a brief moment, I remember the panic attack I had at the Harborwalk. “Please, baby,please.”

My hands shake as they hang limply by my sides.

“Just come with me, please,” Kenneth whispers. “I’ll leave you alone after that if that’s what you want.”

I sniffle, trying to fight back the tears that keep trying to break free. But I manage to compose myself and open the door, causing Kenneth to stumble forward. He grips my shoulders as he tries to catch his balance, and my body tightens with thisuncontrollable need to feel him close again. I want him so badly it hurts.

“Okay,” I breathe, and Ken looks into my eyes. “I’ll come with you.”

Kenneth doesn’t look relieved. He doesn’t look like he’s happy either. He just nods and takes a step back, letting me pass him by so I can grab some jeans and a T-shirt. Once we’re both dressed, we silently exit my building and get in an Uber, the car driving us to a destination seven minutes away from my penthouse. Which happens to be a different apartment building.

I frown, thoroughly confused, and look at Ken. But he’s not looking at me as he opens the car door and steps out, expecting me to follow. We walk through the lobby of a high-rise, take an elevator to the eleventh floor, and step out into a hallway with doors on both sides. It looks endless, but we finally reach the door he’s seeking about halfway through. He inserts a key into the lock of the door, and I frown. Does he own two apartments? I’m confused, but I also refuse to ask questions. We haven’t said one word to each other since leaving my penthouse, and I don’t plan on breaking the silence first. He’s going to have to tell me what the hell is going on eventually.

He pushes the door open and steps in, holding it for me and staring at me as he does. I’m not sure why I’m hesitating, but I don’t make a move to enter right away. Somehow, this feels like a big deal, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I think that. After a minute of debating, I nod once and head inside. He closes the door.

The first thing that assaults my senses is the smell. It’s a mix of antiseptic and vanilla that overpowers me. I scrunch my nose and look around in confusion, but we’re just in yet another hallway. The head of a younger woman peeks into the hallway, and she grins widely, her face lighting up. What the hell is happening?

“Mr. Kenneth.” She smiles and walks toward us. “I didn’t know you were coming, or I would’ve made lunch for you.”

“It’s okay, Rachel,” Kenneth says with a smile of his own, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. It looks pained. She must notice because she frowns. “This is Conrad. My, um, my boyfriend.”

Kenneth casts a glance at me, grabbing my hand, and I can’t help but notice he’s trembling. He’s nervous. Why is he so nervous?

“Nice to meet you,” I smile at her, and her eyes widen.

“Nice to meet you too!” Rachel’s voice rises about two decibels, and she clears her throat. Then she looks at Kenneth. “She’s not expecting you, but I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”

“How is she doing?” he asks in a lower voice, as if he doesn’t want anyone to hear. “Is she in pain?”

“Yes.” Rachel nods, and it’s now that I notice she’s wearing navy-blue scrubs. I frown, trying to understand where the hell I am and who we’re seeing. “But I just gave her some pain medication about thirty minutes ago. It probably kicked in by now.”

Ken nods, then grabs my hand tightly and walks toward the end of the hallway, tugging me after him. When we finally make it through, I stop short at the sight in front of me, and Kenneth lets go of my hand and walks toward the center of the room, where a woman lies in a hospital bed. It seems the living room has been transformed into a makeshift hospital room. There’s the bed, the IV pumps, and the bedside table that rolls toward the bed so the patient can eat. It reminds me of when my dad was in the hospital. And then it dawns on me—where we are. My eyes widen and lock on Ken’s, and he looks away.

This is his mom.

I walk closer, not wanting to be rude, but she hasn’t seen me yet. She’s looking at Kenneth adoringly, eyes full of love and a soft smile on her face. He smiles down at her too, brushing hisknuckles across her cheekbone, then running a hand over her bald head. The resemblance between them is uncanny. He has her blue eyes, though hers are rounder than his. Other than that, even their lips are the same. It’s a bit alarming how they could almost be twins.

Ken’s mom takes a deep breath, adjusting her nasal cannula, then follows Kenneth’s gaze toward me. Her eyes widen comically, and she looks at him again. He clears his throat and looks at her with a soft smile, and something inside of me melts when he offers his hand to me. I get closer until I’m standing beside him, taking his hand in mine and squeezing once, though I’m not sure what I’m actually trying to tell him with that gesture.

“Mom,” Kenneth clears his throat, “this is Conrad.”

Kenneth’s mom looks at me with wide eyes and her lips in a small O. It makes me frown because I don’t understand why she’s reacting this way.

“H-have we met before, Conrad?” she asks, voice shaky. “Do I know you?”

My frown deepens, and I shake my head. I look at Kenneth, and he’s staring at his mom with confusion as well.

What the hell is going on?

“I swear it feels like I’ve met you before. I just can’t place you...” She chuckles, and I do too, though it’s awkward. “Don’t mind me. I’m Alicia, but you can call me Ma. It’s very nice to finally meet you.”

I try my best not to keep frowning and force myself to smile instead. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“He’s told me so much about you,” she tells me, “I’m surprised he brought you, though. He’s never brought anyone home before. Well, not since…”