Page 48 of Before I Lost You

“Ma!” Kenneth says through gritted teeth. “Don’t.”

I glance at Kenneth, but he’s avoiding eye contact at all costs, glancing down at his shoes with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. It makes my heart squeeze in my chest, and I can’t help but feel hopeful about her confession.

My voice trembles when I say, “Oh, I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”

Alicia’s eyes are sympathetic, but she shakes her head. “It’s a huge deal.”

Kenneth coughs. “Uh—excuse me. I need the bathroom.”

I can tell he feels uncomfortable, though I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the fact that his mom is telling me all of this. Or maybe he doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea? This is so fucking confusing.

For a long minute, we just stare at each other. I’m unsure of how to proceed, so I don’t say anything at all. I wring my hands in front of me, and she stretches one of hers toward me. I take it, noticing how cold to the touch it is.

“He really cares for you,” Alicia says softly, smiling at me when I blink back tears. “He even told me you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

“He’s definitely the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whisper, trying to keep my voice from breaking. I fist my free hand in front of me, and she watches with a small frown.

“I really did think I knew you from somewhere. Maybe I just saw you in a dream or something…” she trails off, then looks at me again with a small smile. Almost like she’s embarrassed. “But that would be weird, wouldn’t it? I guess that wouldn’t make any sense.”

I frown again. “Sometimes I think I dreamed of Ken before I met him.” I don’t know why I’m saying this to her. I sound insane. “So I guess it’s not too far-fetched.”

She chuckles. “I’ll try to think about the dreams, and I’ll get back to you on it. I just need to remember.”

“I’ll do the same,” I lie.

“You look a little sad,” she notes softly, squeezing my hand tightly. Hers is trembling. “So does Ken.”

“I might have messed up,” I say. “Maybe moved too fast for him.”

“Ah.” She nods now, her blue eyes tender. “He gets spooked easily. Slow and steady works best with him.”

“I guess I know that now.” I snort. “Might be too late, though.”

“I doubt that. He brought you here.” Alicia smiles at me gently. “I think that says a lot.”

“I don’t really know what to think. He’s so confusing. I—”

Kenneth’s footsteps are loud as he comes back into the room, and I snap my mouth shut, cutting myself off. I have a feeling he’s been listening the entire time, though I can’t really prove it. He comes to stand at my side and wraps an arm around my waist, tugging me into his side. He’s warm, and his embrace is comforting, but I try not to get lost in the emotions trying to drown me. Why do I have to love him this desperately?

“What were you two talking about?” Kenneth raises an eyebrow at his mom. “I leave for one minute, and you team up against me?”

Alicia grins, then grimaces. “Never.”

Kenneth watches her closely, seeming to notice that she needs her rest. He lets go of me and goes to her side, whispering something in her ear and kissing her cheek. Her skin has a gray hue to it, and I have to look away. She looks close to death, and it breaks my heart. He steps away from the bed, and she looks at me expectantly, spreading her arms wide for me. My breath catches in my throat as I watch her, and she smiles.

“Come here, son,” she tells me, and I swear to god I almost break down. Kenneth watches me with tears in his eyes. “Give me a hug goodbye. You never know if this is the last time you’ll see me.”

I give her a hug, and she squeezes me tightly, and I whisper, “Don’t say that, Ma. You still have a while longer.”

She rubs my back in soothing circles and kisses my cheek. “Slow and steady, okay?”

I nod. “Okay.”

Alicia lets me go, and I take a step back. Ken grabs my hand and says goodbye to his mother, and then he’s leading me out of the apartment and into another car. But I’m not all here; instead, I’m trapped somewhere in my mind. Wondering what the hell just happened. Why did he bring me here to meet his mother? What does it mean? What do I want it to mean? Can I even handle it if my suspicions are wrong?

I’m not sure I can.

Chapter 18