Page 94 of Before I Lost You

“This is Duncan.” My boss answers, and I suck in a sharp breath.

“Uh, Duncan. This is Conrad,” I breathe shakily, and he hums. “I need to talk to you real quick. If that’s okay?”

“Sure,” he says slowly. “What’s going on?”

“Listen, I know I said I could go to New York, but I really can’t do it.” My body locks up tight, ready for a fight, but he stays quiet. “Remember back in May when I got into that car accident?”

Duncan clears his throat. “Yes, I do.”

“I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety from it…” I wait for him to interrupt, but he stays quiet. “It’s been really hard to drive long distances. And I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think I can do it. Ireallydon’t.”

“I see,” Duncan says slowly. “I understand, Conrad. I’m sorry for being insensitive. I should’ve thought of that.”

“You—” I stop abruptly, not expecting him to say that. “Really?”

“Of course,” he scoffs. “I’m not trying to put you in a position to choose between your job and your mental health. If you can’t handle it, I’ll find someone else. Do you think Natasha would be a good fit?”

I clear my throat. “Yes, sir. She knows what she’s doing, and she’s very responsible.”

“Great. Then it’s decided, she’ll take over this trip.” His voice is steady and reassuring, but I still can’t help but feel queasy. “Oh, and Conrad? This won’t affect your promotion. So don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“You take care of yourself, okay?” Duncan murmurs. “You tell me if you need anything.”

“I will,” I say softly. “Thank you, sir.”

“Have a good night, Conrad.”

“You too.”

The line goes dead, and I lower my cell phone to my side, taking in deep gulps of breath. I hear footsteps behind me and tense, and my hands begin shaking so hard my phone clatters to the ground. I make no move to get it. Instead, I wait for Kenneth to come in and ask his questions. I’m sure he was listening in, and I don’t want to lie to him. But I also don’t know how he’ll react if I tell him the truth.

“You’re hiding something, Conrad,” Kenneth says softly. “What’s going on?”

I stay quiet, unsure how to proceed. Do I tell him? What if—

“You need to tell me what’s wrong. Right now,” Kenneth says more forcefully. “You’re scaring me.”

“S-sorry,” I stutter. “I’m not trying to scare you.”

“Then tell me what’s going on.”

I shake my head and turn around. “You’re never going to believe me.” Our eyes meet, and his narrow. “I’m scared you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Try me.”

I break. Shatter, really.

Running a hand down my face, a sob breaks free, and he closes the distance between us. His hands cup my face. “I died.” My voice cracks, and he frowns, still looking into my eyes. He looks so confused, and I know I sound insane. “I lived a life with you, and I died. I woke up without you… I-I was in a car accident in December. The date is supposed to be in six days. But I died, and I woke up, and it was May—and you didn’t know me. You didn’t fucking know me, Ken. And I’ve been hiding this, this huge thing, from you because I didn’t know what to tell you. And I…” I shake my head. “I—”

Kenneth’s hands tighten on my face, and he’s looking at me funny. His eyes are searching mine so quickly, it’s making me dizzy. I’d be surprised if he’s not making himself dizzy with it, too.

He shakes his head. “Conrad, that can’t be right.” I make a strangled sound, and his hands drop from my face. He takes a step back. I feel the loss of his touch in my fucking soul. “I-I’m so sorry. Do you—do you think you’re not… I think maybe—” Ken takes a deep breath and tries again, his voice breaking. “I think maybe you need help.”

A sob breaks free, hurting my throat. “You don’t believe me.” I nod quickly, then shake my head just as quickly.

“It sounds—”