Page 64 of Freeze Frame

“You need extra arms.”

“Like Inspector Gadget.”

“Who?”

“Oof. Feeling a little old here. You could at least pretend to know who that is.”

Josh’s frame shook with laughter. “I’ll remember that for next time.”

Next time. My shoulders sagged, some of the tension bleeding out of them. I hadn’t even realized it had been there to begin with. Next time meant Josh was going to stick around. It meant that today hadn’t been some kind of I-don’t-want-a-relationship-after-all epiphany.

Josh’s stomach rumbled, breaking the silence, and any residual tension because he laughed. And it sounded bright and genuine, like it had been infused with joy.

Was this the effect of the scene he shot or was it because I was here to come home to? Back to… this wasn’t Josh’s home.

But it could be.

I lived in a fantasy land where Josh moved in with me, and he came home to me after every scene, bright and happy and still crazy in love with me. I loved the idea of having him and our dogs here all the time. I wasn’t sure if he would be ready for the grandmove in with meconversation so soon after we’d declared our feelings for one another.

Maybe one day.

For now, I’d be content making him grilled cheese sandwiches and homemade tomato soup and piling all the love on him I could.

We were finishing up our dinner, during which Josh hadn’t said much. A lot had happened today that he needed to process, and as curious as I was, I didn’t want to push him.

And then, when he was done eating, he lifted his gaze to meet mine. He was quiet and a little sheepish, but I could tell whatever he was about to say was important to him. So I waited.

“Did you want to watch it?” he asked me, his usual confidence a bit wobbly, but still there.

“Did you want me to?”

He nodded.

“Okay, then you go get it set up, and I’ll tidy up here and meet you in the bedroom in five minutes.”

Josh wordlessly got up and went down the hall to the bedroom. The dogs tried to follow, but I called them back and made them go outside. By the time they were ready to come in, I had the dishes collected and stacked in the dishwasher and I was out of reasons to procrastinate joining Josh.

My heart hammered against my ribs like it was trying to escape. Josh had closed the bedroom door, probably to keep the dogs out, but I still knocked before I entered. In case he wasn’t ready. In case I wasn’t ready.

“Get your ass in here, David,” Josh said as he pulled the door open.

He was still dressed, which for some reason I thought he wouldn’t be. Was I disappointed? Maybe. I’d have to put a pin in that and think about it later at a more appropriate time.

“It was easy to edit so it’s already up on the website, but I have the uncut version that I’d like you to watch instead.”

“Alright,” I said, because what else was I going to say? No? Pffft. Not fucking likely. I’d watch Josh watch paint dry if he asked me to.

“Sit.” Josh led me to the bed, and I sat down on the edge. I expected him to join me, but he stayed standing. Pacing. Hefiddled with his phone, then handed it to me. “Just press play when you’re ready.”

I was ready now. I’d been ready an hour ago. I’d been ready since my eyes had opened that morning. “Are you ready?” I asked him, just to be sure. I offered him one last chance to change his mind, but he nodded and told me he was ready. He was apparently not ready to watch it with me, though, because he stayed on his feet, chewing on his fingernails, one arm wrapped around his middle.

I pressed play because whatever happened, Josh was nervous about me watching. And he could have stopped me at any time, but he clearly wanted to show me. Which made me worry if something bad had happened.

When the video started, it was Josh sitting in the middle of a familiar-looking bed. I’d seen it in other scenes of his. It was probably in a room in Lukas’s house. I expected someone else to enter the frame, but no one came. And then Josh started speaking.

“When I first started doing this, it was for a lot of reasons and not all of them were good ones. Part of me wanted to get back at my parents for not accepting me. I can admit that now. And though, eventually, I kept going for the right reasons, I ended up stopping. This time for more of the right reasons.”

I paused the video and took a moment to glance up at the real Josh, the one standing a few feet from me, still a nervous wreck. Still chewing on his fingernails and clutching his stomach.