Page 61 of The Governess’s Carnal Temptation

“Because I do not love her, Lydia. I love you. I always have. This… This teashop, your family – I should never have let it all fall behind me. I strived to be someone I am not.”

“No, that is not true,” Lydia exclaimed. “You are a duke, born if not raised. You need a wife who can be at your side and shine beside you. I might not care for Lady Evelyn, but she can open doors I cannot. With me, you are tied to the past, and you will never be a duke in your own right. You’ll always be…” she shrugged as Lady Evelyn’s words rang in her mind. She might have spoken out of envy and spite, but she’d been right.

Lydia had dragged Nicholas back into his old life. A life into which he no longer fitted. Looking at him, she saw just how out of place he was in her little teashop. She’d allowed herself to be drawn into his world, to dream of a future she now understood could never be.

He was a Peer of the Realm. She was a governess, and a teashop owner’s daughter. What sort of future would Charlotte have with her as a stepmother? She’d end up married to a merchant. A duke’s daughter forced down into the life of a working-class woman. And why? Because her father listened to his heart instead of his head.

Lydia closed her eyes as suddenly she understood something she’d refused to comprehend all these years. He had been right to leave her behind. A duke could not be tied to a commoner. It wasn’t just that she wasn’t fit to be a duchess; it was that he could not be with anyone but a high-born woman. However, their closeness and her mere presence at his manor had corrupted him and made him forgo his duties. He was neglecting his responsibilities to Charlotte because of Lydia. She could not let this happen.

“Nicholas, this life is behind you. You do not belong here, just like I do not belong with you at Queensberry Manor. You must return there and make amends with Lady Evelyn. Or if not her, then another lady. Another high-born who can open doors for you that shall be forever closed with me at your side.”

“I do not care about doors, Lydia. I shall open a window if the doors slam in my face. I will find a husband for Charlotte that is suitable. I will make my way in the world on my terms, just as I always planned before I let the glamour of society cloud my vision.”

“I am the one who clouded your vision,” she protested.

“No. You are the one who lifted the veil to let me see. I was so miserable before you arrived. I drank, I was a terrible father—”

“Because you did not have anyone to elevate you to the proper position you always should have had. You have that now. Lady Evelyn or a lady like her can ensure you will be seen and respected as you always should have been. You were miserable because you didn’t have the position you ought to have had. Now you have a chance to achieve that. Do not let it go by.”

“I shall let it go by gladly if it means being with you,” he said, tightening his grip. Being so close to him, feeling him, and smelling him near her was almost enough to rob her of her senses. However, she stepped back and yanked her hand free, interrupting their connection.

“It shall have to be without me because I will not return. I must…”

“There is no other position, is there?” he said suddenly, and she blinked, surprised he’d bring this up.

“No. I… I will find a position.”

“You do not have to. You already have one with me. You can have a life with me, Lydia.”

She raised both of her hands and stepped back. “No. I told you I had to leave. We both know why.”

“Because the attraction and love between us could not be denied,” he said swiftly, and she nodded.

“Indeed, but it shall be denied now. For I can never be with you. I am a nobody. I can only hold you back. And Charlotte. And I love both of you too much to let that happen. Leave me be.”

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots. “Lydia, please. Let me… Come back with me. We can bring your father and sister with us.”

“No!” she shouted and stepped into the alley. “I will not entertain these foolish dreams. We are not children anymore, Nicholas. I have my life. You have yours. And they could not be any more different. Please leave, for I have nothing else to say to you. This is goodbye. Forever. I shall go now, and when I return, I wish to no longer see you here. Goodbye, Nicholas.”

She turned and ran down the alley as he stepped out of the little house and called after her. However, she ignored him. She could not allow herself to be drawn in any further. She had to do the right thing. And ironically, the right thing for her to do was the same thing he’d done all those years ago – walk away.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

“And good day to you, Lady Evensbury,” Lydia called and waved as the Lady entered her carriage and drove away. She curled her hand around the coins, stepped into the warmth of the teashop, and placed the coins into the drawer. It had been a good week for the business. Her father, on his feet often, had decided to use some of Lydia’s earnings to purchase new spice and herb blends, and word had spread quickly that the teashop had new, unique items.

The shop was rarely empty, and it had taken Caroline and Lydia to attend to all the customers. It was only this morning that it had slowed down, but that was likely because it was Sunday, and many of their customers were at church. Caroline had taken the opportunity to go to the market, leaving Lydia alone.

She hadn’t had much time to think about Nicholas or Charlotte these past few days because she had been very busy. At night, when her thoughts might have traveled to Queensberry Manor and the man she’d loved so desperately, sleep carried her away before she could sink into her thoughts – a fact for which she’d been grateful.

She took a deep breath, a mixture of the shop’s pleasant herbs and the city’s stench mixed, and she shivered as she returned to sit on the stoop outside.

“Lydia,” Caroline’s voice sounded. She looked to the right to see her sister approaching with a basket of supplies dangling from one arm and a newspaper in the other.

“You’ve returned,” she said as she got up and extended her arm to take her sister’s burden from her. Caroline, however, had other ideas. She pushed past her into the dimly lit house and placed the basket down.

“Has father come back from church?”

Lydia shook her head. Their neighbor had collected their father that morning to take him to church to give thanks for his recovery.