Page 62 of The Governess’s Carnal Temptation

“The bells have not yet rung,” she said quickly as Caroline nodded and opened the newspaper.

“Good. Then we can speak freely. Read this.” She pushed the newspaper at Lydia and pointed to an article at the bottom.

“The London Gazette?” Lydia asked, a deep frown on her forehead. “It is a scandal sheet; why do you waste money buying it?”

Caroline’s eyes flashed. “I did not. I found it at the market, discarded on the floor. I would now have picked it up if not for this.” She pointed at a headline and crossed her arms.

Lydia glanced at the section her sister pointed at and gulped.

Can this fallen nobleman rise once more? The infamous Duke of Q. might yet return to the glamorous scene of London at the arm of a certain Lady E. whom he’d so callously pushed away a few weeks ago. One might have thought the Duke – raised humbly by a common mother – would have jumped at the chance of marrying one of the diamonds of society. Alas, he rejected her most cruelly and unexpectedly. However, this reporter has it on good authority that the nobleman has had a change of heart and begged his Lady for another chance. We hear the banns will be read, and this once-widowed gentleman might leave his sordid past behind once and for all. If anyone can raise him from humble beginnings, it is the illustrious Lady E.

Lydia let the newspaper drop. “Nicholas is going to marry Lady Evelyn after all?”

“It is what you wanted, is it not? I heard you talking to him the day he was here, and you made it quite clear that you were not interested in returning with or marrying him.”

Lydia swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded though tears pushed into her eyes. “I did say that. And it is what I want,” she said, but she heard the lie in her voice. “This is good. It is good for Charlotte to have such an influential stepmother. Yes. And for Nicholas as well. He will finally get what he always wanted.”

“Lydia, I know you better than this. You do not believe a word of what you’re saying.”

“Of course, I do. He needs a lady befitting his standing.”

“He already had a lady befitting his standing,” Caroline pointed out. “They made one another miserable, and then she died. You told me this yourself.”

Since her return, Lydia had filled Caroline in on all the details that had transpired over the past few months. In her letters, she’d been vague, but now they were face to face, she’d told her everything that had happened between herself and Nicholas and the more she told her, the more Caroline became convinced that she should have taken Nicholas up on his offer and returned with him. Now, Lydia was beginning to regret telling her quite so much.

“Louisa was not the right woman for him, nor was he the right man for her,” she said without looking at her sister.

“But Lady Evelyn is the right one for him? She sounds like a right terror, from what you told me. How she speaks to you and how Charlotte feels about her means this is a disaster in the making.”

“It is not,” Lydia protested. “I admit, I was pleased to hear he had chosen not to marry her. And I admit I’d rather he’d made a different match, but at least this time, they both know what sort of match they’re making. Louisa thought he might love her, and he intended it to be so, but that is not the case this time. She wants a title; he wants her influence. It is an arranged marriage like so many others.”

“But he loves you. And you love him,” Caroline protested and stepped in front of Lydia, one hand on her cheek, so she was forced to look at her sister.

“Love does not matter. This is real life, Caroline,” Lydia said sternly.

“So you admit you love him,” Caroline prodded, and Lydia let out an exasperated sigh.

“Of course, I do. I’ve always loved him. I can hardly be in the same room as him because I can’t escape. I…. I’ve loved him all my life and always shall, but this is not a dream or a fairytale, Caroline. This is his life and Charlotte’s. I’m nothing. Nobody. I told him, and I will tell you. I cannot open doors for him. Lady Evelyn can.”

“Nicholas said he’d open a window if the doors were shut,” she said quietly and watched Lydia, who chewed the inside of her cheeks.

“It means nothing. It was just him talking like he always does. You know he is full of empty promises; he always has been,” Lydia said, feeling the sting of the words, for she sensed the truth in them.

“He’s changed, though. He didn’t have to come here; he didn’t have to fight for you,” Caroline replied as she dropped her hand from Lydia’s face. “He didn’t have to come after you. You love him, and I know he loves you. After you left that afternoon, he stayed a while and told me he adores you and dreams of marrying you and having a family with you.”

Lydia looked away. She already knew this, Caroline had told her once before, but like everything else, she’d shut it out of her mind, determined not to fall for Nicholas’ lovely words again.

“Even if he had changed, I have not. I am me, a governess, a shop attendant. I am no lady and never will be. Nicholas might mean what he says, and maybe he has changed, but I am not what he needs. I must protect him from making another mistake by marrying someone who will always hold him down.”

She started at Caroline, who likewise refused to avert her eyes.

“Is it a mistake to marry someone he loves but below him in the station, or is it a mistake to marry someone on equal standing but a rotten person he hates? A person Charlotte hates? Lydia, are you protecting him? Or are you condemning him to a life of misery – again?”

Lydia paused at this and took a step toward the back door. She looked out into the alley where she’d last spoken to Nicholas and scratched her chin.

“What of Charlotte? Lady Evelyn is not a mother. You said so yourself. You were the closest Charlotte ever had to one, and now you’re walking away from her. How will that affect the child?”

“I’ll see her; I’ll visit,” Lydia exclaimed though she had no idea how that would even be feasible.