Page 43 of Holding Onto Love

“Employment. You cannot know… you can’t know. Your letter was like a gift from God.”

“If so, you cannot thank me. I needed a steward. What else?”

Benjamin ground his teeth. Then said, stiff with wounded dignity, “If you could provide me an advance.”

Jasper remembered his old friend’s pride had always been prickly. Benjamin was too aware of the fact that he was a commoner, mixing with gentlemen. He seemed to believe he was more tolerated than welcomed, when nothing was farther from the truth. How like the man to take in a waif—likely saving her life in the process—and yet be embarrassed to ask for help. It embarrassed Jasper to think how much it cost Benjamin to ask, when granting the request was of so little consequence.

Jasper rose, went to his desk, and pulled out a slip of paper. He scribbled a draft, saying, “Take this to Coutts.”

“Do I speak to anyone in particular?”

Jasper waved away the question. “No. There is no need. Anyone there will see to it.” Arrogant but true. “What else?”

“If I could have two days to settle in before I begin?”

“Two is enough?”

Benjamin nodded. Jasper did not press the issue. He knew this was hard. They used to be drinking friends. This was hard on Jasper too. He was bewildered on how to proceed.

“Her name is Hannah. She is but two.” Benjamin sounded bemused. And tender. “She has curls.”

Jasper nodded. “Thank you for telling me. I didn’t know how much I was permitted to ask. Where is she now?”

Benjamin stood “With my landlady.” He looked weary, but at the same time, unburdened. Lesser burdened. He waved the draft and then put it in his pocket. “Thank you, Iversley. The woman has been grand, considering, but it will relieve her, I suspect, to see me return with the ready.” He smiled weakly. “I don’t think she believed me when I said I had a job waiting with an earl.”

“Ha!” Jasper scratched his nose. There must be more he could do. “I’d like to meet Hannah. Will you bring her?”

“At some point. But I am not going to take advantage of your generosity. I know you’ll make it too easy to do so. She likes attention. I cannot work while dandling her on my knee. I’ll hire a nanny.”

“Have you someone in mind?”

He shook his head. “I disembarked this morning. But I imagine there is an agency.”

“Wait.” Jasper went back to his desk for another slip of paper. He wrote a direction. “Mrs. Lockwood.” He walked the slip to Benjamin. “Tell her I sent you. She’ll have a few names.”

Benjamin’s lips twitched. “And you know where to locate nannies because…?”

He sighed. “Because elderly ladies at tea parties like to corner me and chatter my ear off. Because I always listen as though I am interested. Because I am polite.”

“Yes, I recall that about you,” Benjamin said, suppressing a smile. “You are very polite.” Then the smile broke through. “This Mrs. Lockwood will be thrilled you thought of her. I will have half a dozen perfect candidates at the door before supper. My only difficulty will be choosing amongst them.” He gave Jasper’s arm a light punch. “You are as annoying as ever.”

Jasper made his face stern. “Two days, Carroll. Two days and your arse better be parked behind a desk sorting my accounts.” Then, for good measure, he opened the door and said, “George, have Finley see Mr. Carroll out.” He added sotto voce, “Bring the whiskey when you come.”

When the door shut, he regrouped. Hazard next.

But first, he had to sit down. Duty…friends…they were not distraction enough. The ache was still there.

Part 4

There Are Obstacles

March 1809

London

Chapter Fourteen

Vanessa Wardrip trusted Lord Jasper Taverston. She did.