Page 31 of End Of Never

Going to Lilla’s contact, my thumb hovers over the call button. Show her, I’m going to stay.

Hitting call, my heart instantly starts to beat harder, as the thoughts of her lips on mine crash into my mind, reminding me of everything I’ve been missing. The line rings and rings, glancing over at the clock, 11:45 is displayed, shit. Just as I’m about to hang up, the ringing stops.

“Hello.” Her sleepy tone echoes through the earpiece. Sleepy Lilla sounds beautiful.

“Hey, you.” Lying on my back, I roll the bedding between my fingers, listening to her shuffle on the other end.

“Are you okay?” Her soft, majestic voice, now more lively, sends a heat to my chest.

“Is my girl worried about me?” She scoffs, and I can feel her intense eyeroll, “Truth, not really.” Lilla’s hmm comes through, sending a wave of desire down my spine. “Tell me something honest, Lil.”

Releasing a breath into the phone, her soft voice comes through, and immediately, I know she’s smiling. “Hmm, I wish you were a normal person who would just text, instead of calling.”

“Texting doesn’t have the same effect. Like how just by the change of your voice, I know you are smiling right now.” She chuckles, making me smile too.

“Yeah, smiling at myself, not you. What you did is wake me up, and I have to work in seven hours.”

“Six hours of sleep will be plenty, I know you have to work, Zeus has an appointment with you. I think he misses his mommy.” A sarcastic laugh is sent through.

“I’m not his mom, Jace. I’m also going to be really grouchy when I see you because I’ll be sleep deprived.”

“Lucky for you, I like you in all forms. And luckily you aren’t on speaker because that would have broken my baby's heart, you should apologize, he loves you…”

“Jace. Why are you calling me?” To tell you not to give up on me, to say I am truly sorry, to beg you to give me one more chance.

“To remind you I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, ever. To beg you for a redo date. I know I broke the trust, I broke promises I wish like hell I could have kept, but I can’t go back. I can only try my damndest to show you who I am now, and how much this man still wants the girl who stole his heart in one night.” Usually, I am not a man to beg, but for her, I’ll drop to my damn knees anytime.

“If I say no?”

“Then I’ll call you every night at 11:45 until you say yes.”

“Why that time?”

“Remember when I took you home after that party, and you asked me to make you forget. I curled up behind you, pulled you into my chest, and looked at the clock on your nightstand, making sure I had time to hold you so that I wouldn’t be late for curfew. It was 11:45. My curfew was one, but I fell asleep holding you. When I woke up, it was after two, so I sped home. When I got to my road, I rolled through the stop sign, and a cop pulled me over right outside my house.”

She is quiet on the other end of the line, but I could hear her breathing, so I knew she was listening or had fallen asleep, but I had to keep going. My heart was begging to give her the truth, pleading with me to give her all of me. It was easier on the phone because I didn’t have to see her disappointment, but I would still feel it. I wanted to feel something other than the hate she had for me, for what I did. Not that I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted to feel all the emotions, and I was ready to take whatever she would give me, even if it ended in more hate, so I kept going. “My dad came storming out, pissed that I fucked up again. I wasn’t a good kid, Lil. I was troubled, and for no good reason. He sat me on the couch and told me he and my mom decided it was time I got sent away. And at that moment, you know what I thought?” I wait for her to answer, to make sure she's awake and listening.

“What?” Her somber voice was just above a whisper.

“I didn’t hold you long enough.”

Chapter 27

Lilla

‘I didn’t hold you long enough.’ His voice echoes through the phone, paralyzing me. There were no words that could match his. I didn’t have a comeback; all I could do was listen to the stillness of his breath after he said it, while he listened to mine. I let his truth sink into my pores like water seeping into the ground after a drought. The more he spoke, the harder I listened, begging to be freed from the heartache that was attached to his name.

He must have thought I had fallen asleep, because for what felt like the longest moment in my life, my brain was trying to speak to my jaded heart. There has been a constant ache, forever reminding me that it is safer to dance within the cracks of my broken heart than risk it completely shattering.

Jace’s admission not only grabbed my attention, but it also grabbed my heart.

He didn’t know it, but with each word, a tear fell, tears I had held back for so long, because I was raised not to cry. To grow up fast, and figure it out, and hearing him tell me the truth that I have longed for, it latched onto my heart like a leech needing my blood to survive.

He needed me to hear him, truly hear him, and I needed to listen to him. I needed him to open his heart rather than his mouth. All this time, he’s been cocky and arrogant, but tonight, he was raw and intentional with his words. I loved cocky Jace, and I still find myself loving that side of him, but this side, this side stole my attention.

This was the man who crawled into bed that night with me, just to hold me. This was the man who saved me every single time Ava tried to bully me. Looking back, I should have seen it. In school, he would always drag her away. At parties, he would cause a scene to get her attention. He was always trying to save me, and that night on the bridge, he did.

When he left, and I spiraled, I went to that bridge so many damn times, willing myself to jump, to make it all go away. My thoughts were stronger than the strength to keep them at bay. Every time I stepped on that bridge, I thought, ‘Okay, this is it.’ Until my fingers grabbed the metal, and his words filtered in, ‘don’t jump.’ Even though he was gone, his words still resonated, like a big neon sign flashing. So instead of jumping, I’d stomp off that bridge, pissed that he still had power over me.