Page 87 of The Trip of a Lifetime

‘Right,’ Erin said, pulling herself together. ‘We need to get moving, Na—Martha, I mean.’

‘Yes,’ Martha said. ‘We need to ask.’

Erin looked around and there were many people in the part of town Clare had dropped them in. She just had to pick someone to help them. Within a few minutes they found out that Cape Spear Lighthouse was very much out of town. It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise not to be able to walk or run to it, but there it was. Another lift was needed.

‘A taxi,’ Martha shouted. ‘We need a bloody taxi. There is no need to be frugal now.’

It took them another ten minutes to find a taxi that could take them to the coast, and they piled in with Noah who looked just as frantic as them.

The journey seemed to take forever but was actually only twenty minutes. The driver took them out of town onto now familiar Canadian roads, lined with fir trees. Gone were the huge mountains of British Columbia and the prairies of Alberta and Saskatchewan, the iced sea of Hudson Bay and the lakes of Ontario. No one said a word but Erin’s mind was buzzing with the what ifs. These last, goodness knows how many days had all led to this moment.

‘I think I can see the sea,’ Martha said from the front seat.

Erin craned forwards but the cloud was so low-lying, she couldn’t tell if it was that she was seeing, or water. But as they got closer, she saw it was clearly the ocean.

Then they saw a sign for Cape Spear. They were here.

‘Where do you want to be dropped off?’ the driver asked them just as the tracker beeped in Erin’s hand. She was holding onto it so tightly it was sweaty to her touch.

Proceed to Cape Spear Lighthouse

Erin read it out and the driver said he would drop them in the car park. A minute later, that was exactly what he did. They all climbed out and Erin and Martha put on their backpacks while they got their bearings. Cally’s car was already there and waiting but there were no other contestants or producers’ cars.

Perhaps they were first, Erin thought, or perhaps they were last and everyone else had moved on to the after party.

They could see the lighthouse above them and it was up a number of steps. Erin set off at quite a pace across the car park.

‘This is it,’ she said. ‘Come on, Martha, let’s go.’

Erin was almost at the toilet block at the bottom of the steps when she realised that Martha wasn’t behind her. The taxi had gone and Noah was halfway between the two women. Was her nana ill or hurt? Erin ran back over to her grandmother.

‘Nana, what’s wrong? We need to go. We’re almost there.’

Martha was frantically rummaging in her bag.

‘It’s not here,’ she said. ‘I think I left my Anne of Green Gables book in Clare’s car.’

‘It doesn’t matter, I’ll buy you another one,’ Erin said. ‘We can talk about it later.’

‘It does matter, though, Erin. God, it matters so much.’ Martha was looking agitated now. ‘It was a sign, her being called Clare, I mean. I was supposed to talk to her about our Clare and I didn’t get the opportunity. It was a connection and it’s been severed.’

‘What?’ Erin said, although hadn’t that been exactly what she had thought when she’d got out of the car in town. ‘What are you talking about? Why would you need to talk to her about Mum?’

‘Because it felt important. She had saved our race, had come to our rescue and it was just what Clare would have done if she could have.’

‘Oh, Nana,’ Erin said, and let her rucksack slide off her back. ‘Mum can’t save us now. We have to save ourselves. Clare in the car was lovely, but she was just a nice woman with the same name as your daughter, as my mum.’

Erin could feel tears falling now and she was powerless to stop them. To see her grandmother so defeated was heartbreaking.

‘I’m so sorry, Erin,’ she said. ‘It’s just that I have regrets and it’s not always easy to live with that. If I get any sort of sign, it can be a little overwhelming. I know it must seem as if I hold it together most of the time, but I can’t always.’

‘What do you regret, Nana?’ Erin said taking her grandmother’s hand. She noticed that Noah had politely dropped the camera and stepped away.

‘Not realising she was ill, or not realising how ill she actually was. She mentioned a couple of early symptoms and I suggested paracetamol and an early night, for goodness’ sake.’

‘It’s what anyone would have recommended to start with,’ said Erin, wiping a hand across her cheeks to push the tears away. ‘It was all out of Mum’s control and it was certainly out of yours.’

‘I know that, and yet…’ Martha let out a shuddering breath and looked as if she were letting the emotional wave pass over her, as if she were coming out the other side.