Page 103 of This is Me

Leroy’s gaze drifted down to our knees and stayed there for a moment. He remained silent, rubbing his bloody hand which sat in his lap, staining his school uniform.

“You have every right to be angry,” Leroy finally broke the silence. His voice was no louder than a whisper.

“I should never have had to be,” I said, pushing past the pain in my jaw and stomach. “This shouldn’t be happening between us.”

“I know. I know, and I am so sorry.”

“You were my friend, and I needed you.”

“Pete, I—you needed me?” Leroy suddenly asked, looking up from our knees, and I felt my anger rise up again at his words. “I didn’t know—”

“How did you not know I would need you?” I raised my voice, tensing my body and regretting it instantly. “I mean, I get it may have been uncomfortable for you with what happened, but still!”

I had no idea if Leroy actually knew about me leaning in to kiss him or not. I had initially thought he did, which eventually led to me posting my coming out video. But after what Blaire and even Andy had said, I wasn’t so sure.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen!” Leroy said quickly, averting his eyes away from me again, and I could see his face turning red.

I, somehow, didn’t think we’re on the same page.

“Which part?” I asked, bringing my voice down again.

If I was going to be angry, I should make sure I was angry about the whole thing.

“For trying to kiss you.”

My mind went blank at Leroy’s words, and my mouth gaped as I looked at his face grow even redder. His hands no longer fiddling with each other but sitting in his lap shaking.

Leroy had tried to kiss me. Did that mean I hadn’t imagined things when I thought he was leaning in at the same time I was?

No. This wasn’t right. Leroy was straight. Leroy had a girlfriend. Leroy was… Leroy.

“Pete?”

I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed that Leroy was looking at me again, visibly shaking.

He was scared. Just as I had been when I was thinking about coming out as gay. When I did come out as gay.

I no longer had any idea what was going on.

“I don’t understand…”

“Pete, I’m gay.”

Leroy’s words echoed around the small bathroom as my mind kicked back into gear and started to race—trying to think of something to say but coming up short.

“What?” Was all I could muster.

I didn’t know why I said that. I had heard what he said. I didn’t need to listen to it again. What I needed was an explanation.

Leroy seemed to be one step ahead of me, though.

“Pete, I’ve been so scared to admit who I am, and I’m sorry that it caused me to lose you. But I couldn’t face you after that afternoon. Especially after my dad…”

Leroy’s voice trailed off, and tears began to fill his eyes again as I continued to try to wrap my head around what was happening.

“I don’t understand…”

Leroy was gay. But why would he walk away from me? I would understand if I hadn’t come out as gay, but I had.