Page 120 of For I Have Sinned

The laughter of friends and families having picnics. The bark of a dog while it’s playing with another one.

The fantasy is so mundane, but it fills me with a deep sadness because I long for the normalcy of the life I had outside these walls.

With my eyes still closed, I can feel them burning with tears, and when I open them, I blink the water away, because I don’t want to cry. Inhaling, I roll my shoulders and turn around to find Sister Greta standing there observing me.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

I lift a finger to wipe away a stray tear. “I’m fine. It’s nice of you to ask.”

“I just wondered why you stopped cleaning.”

“Needed a breather,” I tell her with a light chuckle.

She gestures towards my face. “And a good cry, apparently.”

“Sometimes it’s hard being here.” I choose to open up to her, even though she probably doesn’t care to hear. “Going from living my life and then ending up here… It’s turned my whole world upside down.”

“Change is hard.” She nods in agreement. “Why do you think I hate it when people come in here and try to help? I’m used to being alone. It’s been that way for years, so when they try to put one of the women in here to help, I scare them away.”

Her honesty surprises me. “Why am I still here then?”

The sigh that leaves her is filled with annoyance. “Beats me.”

“Thank you for not scaring me away. Being in the library has been the only normalcy I’ve had while being here.” I offer a warm smile. “It’s the only constant I have that’s keeping me sane.”

Well, I have Alex, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“I didn’t want you here,” Greta states harshly, but then surprisingly softens her tone. “But out of all the people they pushed my way, you are the only one who has been working hard. Some of the women came here and just talked my ear off.”

“That must have been horrible,” I joke.

“It was,” she says in all seriousness. “You still talk to me, but it’s manageable.” In a quieter tone, she adds, “And I like the way you clean.”

My hand meets my chest, and I gasp lightly. “Sister Greta! It almost sounds like you are being nice.”

She grunts. “I’ll deny it if you tell anyone.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

The corner of her mouth slightly twitches upward. “Get back to cleaning before I change my mind and kick you out.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I’m going to grab a snack.” She doesn’t say an official goodbye when she walks out the door, but it doesn’t matter. The interaction between us made my day a little better.

As I start to clean again, I hear footsteps enter the room, and because I think it’s Sister Greta, I ask with a bright tone, “You missed me already that you came back so soon?”

I turn around to find Alex smirking at me. “I did miss you.”

“I thought you were Sister Greta.” My cheeks flush at the sight of him.

“Would you rather it have been her?”

“No.”

“Good.” In three quick strides, Alex closes the distance and crashes his mouth into mine.

His hand wraps around the back of my neck as he holds me in place. He kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in a week when it’s really been a few days. I melt into him before my head clears, and I push him away.