Page 58 of For I Have Sinned

“So they’re fucking each other,” I say in wonder.

Father Alexander winces at my words. “Could you not say it like that?”

“Oh, sorry.” I roll my eyes. “They are having sexual relations with each other. Was that better, Mister Prude?”

“I’m not a prude,” he scoffs.

“Really? You just got offended that I used the word ‘fucking.’ If that doesn’t scream prude, then I don’t know what does.”

He rolls his jaw, and his expression darkens as he cages me between him and the counter. Raising his hand to cup my cheek, the warmth of his touch sends a chill down my spine. He gets awfully close to my mouth, making me think he is going to finally close the distance, but he doesn’t.

His lips hover over mine, and he whispers, “If you knew me before all of this, you would know how wrong you are, little sin.”

My eyes dart down to his mouth as I telepathically beg for him to move an inch closer. This is wrong in so many ways, but I want to see how his lips would feel against mine.

“Prove it,” I whisper back.

The hold he has on my face tightens, eyes dancing between mine before he drops his gaze to my mouth. As much as I want him to give in, I don’t move.

He has to want it.

His thumb caresses my cheek, and he uses it to nudge my chin up. That’s when I see it in his eyes. He is torn over whether to close the gap. He is fighting a war in his head, and when he steps away, I know he has made up his mind.

“I can’t.” The two words shouldn’t hurt, but they do.

I finally let out a shaky breath and watch him leave the library without another word and without saying our nightly prayer.

Chapter 20

Father Alexander

Well.

I spent another night standing outside of Celine’s room, listening to her touch herself.

Maybe she’s right.

Maybe I am stalking her.

When I followed her from the dining hall, it wasn’t because Father Keaton told me to keep an eye on her. Well, part of it was, but the other part was that I’m becoming obsessed with the woman and want to know what she is doing at all times.

That is mainly why I came up with her punishment of the nightly prayer after she confessed her sins. So I could see her. I don’t understand what she is doing to me. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before.

Even though she hasn’t been in the convent long, it’s like she has crawled under my skin and made a home there. That’s what scares me the most. The fact that Celine has only been here for almost two weeks, and she’s already making me feel like I’m losing my mind.

Not only am I fixated on her, but I also trusted her enough to tell her about Father Keaton and Joanna. She thought something was up between them, and I didn’t hide my reaction to her information very well, which meant I had to tell her what I knew.

And then she had to go and call me a prude. God, if she only knew my life before this. If I had met her then, I would have fucked her by now. I would have had her screaming my name and begging for my cock.

But that was the old me.

The new me can’t do that anymore. I made a vow. One that I’m on the verge of breaking.

Especially because I almost kissed her. I was so close, our lips a breath away from each other. I could have easily closed the distance and touched my mouth to hers, but in the back of my mind, I knew that if I did that, it would be over.

Everything I’ve worked for—joining the priesthood, taking the vow, and bettering myself—would be for nothing if I crossed that line with Celine, because she would become the only thing that mattered. She’d be the only person I cared about, and that is terrifying.

I’m consumed by a woman I barely even know.