Page 62 of Bless My Heart

But I don’t regret any of my actions over the past few months. At least I didn’t until this very moment when Hazel’s ex-boyfriend shows up in the doorway of the lecture hall with a smug look on his stupid face.

Hazel excuses herself to go talk to him. She’s only gone for maybe five minutes, but it’s the longest five minutes of my life.

What are they talking about?

Are they back together?

Is he the reason she threw me out of her life? I swear to god if he lays a fucking hand on my woman…

I shake my head to get rid of the crazy thoughts barreling through it. She’s not my woman, anymore is she? I refuse to believe that what we had—what we have—isn’t real. There is no way she could move on again less than forty-eight hours after kicking me out of her apartment. Did she run back to him to help her pick up the pieces?

God, I’ve never felt so insecure in my fucking life. This is why I don’t do relationships. Someone always gets hurt. I just never thought it’d be me.

Hazel comes back into class and continues talking about whatever the fuck we’re supposed to be reviewing today. She’s acting like nothing happened, like it’s totally normal for Fuck Face to visit her at school.

She doesn’t look at me, not that I expect her to, but some acknowledgment would be nice. Especially after everything we’ve been through.

After class, I wait for everyone to leave. I don’t get up from my seat like usual. I just sit there, leaned back, waiting for her to notice me.

She knows I’m here, but she refuses to look up at me.

“What was that?” I practically yell across the lecture hall.

“Wes…” She finally looks up at me.

“What was he doing here? Are y’all back together?”

“What? No. Of course not.” She pauses before explaining. “He … he wants us to be together again.”

What. The. Fuck. Rage courses through my veins, but I try my very best to rein it in. I do not like that guy, and I sure as hell don’t like him around my woman. Even if she refuses to actually be my woman.

“Are you going to do it?”

I look at her. Really look at her. Her eyes look more tired than usual, but she’s still beautiful. Goddamn it. She makes me so fucking mad, but I’d still drop to my knees to worship her. If that’s not love then I don’t know what is.

“No, absolutely not.” I tear my eyes from her and shake my head.

I sit there for a minute, just staring at the wall. She doesn’t move either. It’s so strange how you can go from spending every spare moment with a person and then, in the blink of an eye, it’s done, and you don’t even know what to say around them.

I finally pry myself from my chair and walk toward her desk. Her bright blue eyes never move from me.

“You know, now that everyone knows about us, what’s stopping us from being together? I’m assuming since you’re still standing here, you didn’t get fired?” I ask her. I mean, it’s true. We don’t have to be a secret now. There shouldn’t be anything stopping us, and yet here we are, acting like we haven’t spent the last several weeks covering every inch of each others bodies.

“No, I’m not fired. I have to take unpaid leave next semester.” I nod my head, glad that nothing more serious happened. “Wes, we are in totally different places in our lives. I don’t want to tie you down at your age.”

“So this is about age? I don’t care about our age difference, Hazel. If it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother you.”

“Well, it does, ok? I don’t want to feel like I’m holding you back.”

“The only thing you’re holding me back from loving is you, which is all I’ve ever wanted.” Wow. Ok. I guess I’m really doing it. Laying it all there now.

‘Wes…” she says gently.

“It’s whatever, Hazel. I didn’t realize I could so easily be cast aside. I thought we had something special. Something worth fighting for, but I see clearly now I was wrong.”

I turn to walk out the door and hear her call my name, but I don’t stop. I can’t.

On my way out, I vow I won’t come to this class again to see her. I’m done.