Page 48 of Tequila Lime and Sunshine

I laugh. “That’s one way to look at it.”

She gives me a cheeky smile. “So, I’ve got to know. How was the sex.”

My face heats just thinking about it. “God, Asher. It was so good. Like the best I’ve ever had.”

She squeals. “I knew it would be.”

“He just made me feel. . . so many things.”

“From what you’ve told me, he sounds like a great guy.”

“He is. I hate that I spent the last ten years being mad at him.”

“Now’s the time to fix it, Sum. Take the time you need to make sure this is what you want. Let yourself miss him. You’ll make the right decision. I know you will.”

I smile at her and hope she’s right. “Thanks for talking me off the cliff.”

“That’s what friends are for.” She looks around at my bags. “Alright, let’s get you unpacked, washed, and packed again. You leave for Arizona in less than forty-eight hours.”

CHAPTER 24

Summer

Every day since I left Mexico, I’ve gotten a text from Hawke with a picture of whatever his view is for breakfast that day. Most days, it’s his apartment, but sometimes he’s at a small coffee shop. He wants me to remember our breakfasts together.

In return, I start sending him my view as well. From my airport breakfast to where I am in Arizona. We don’t talk about anything else. Just a simple picture every day. I imagine it’s his way of letting me know he’s giving me space but still thinking about me. It makes me miss him even more. I miss our simple morning routine. I miss our table overlooking the ocean. Hell, I even miss watching him devour multiple plates of food.

It’s such a simple thing, but spending that time together is something I’ll never take for granted again.

He continues to like every social media post I make. He even comments with a few heart emojis on my roundup post about Mexico. Probably because he’s in a few of the pictures. I definitely didn’t post any of the selfies we took, but there are pictures of him on the boat and in the market. He was a huge part of my trip, and I want everyone to know and see that. It was an out-of-character move for me, but my finger hit the post button before I could overthink my decision.

My trip to Arizona was great. I went on some awesome hikes, did a sunrise yoga session, and even enjoyed my time at the spa. It was nice being on my own again. It gave me time to think. Clear my head.

While I love having my friends and family around me, solo traveling is kinda my thing. I started doing it in college, and Holden didn’t want to go with me. It’s how I figured out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. So, it makes sense that I would feel most at peace alone for a few days.

After my trip to Arizona, I have an entire week at home in New York. I work, clean, do some much-needed laundry, and hang out with Asher.

But by the fourth day, I’m itching to leave. And I’m dying to hear Hawke’s voice. See him again. It just so happens that I get an email from him labeled “For your eyes only.”

I open the folder in the email to the pictures Hawke took of me during our mini photoshoot. Every picture is gorgeous. I can’t believe some of these are me. My stomach flutters when I remember how Hawke looked at me that day.

So for the first time in my life, I go with my heart instead of my head and make the impulsive decision to postpone my next trip to Maine and schedule a different one instead.

Asher squeals with glee when I tell her I need a ticket to LA. She gets it done in record time, and I’m scrambling to pack some things and get to the airport as fast as possible. In the cab ride, I text my mom and ask if she can get Hawke’s address from his mom. She doesn’t ask any questions, bless her heart. She just responds with the information I need.

I could’ve texted Hawke to ask him, but I want it to be a surprise. I’ve never done anything this crazy before. Putting myself out there, wearing my heart on my sleeve. . . not my thing. But I want to do that for Hawke. He was so open with me. He told me exactly how he felt, and I stood there like an idiot, not responding. He deserves better than that. Especially after he told me he’s wanted me for years while I was pissed at him for pulling away from me.

* * *

When I land in LA, butterflies form in my stomach. I’ve purposely never come to LA because I knew I would be expected to see him if I came here. He probably wouldn’t have said anything, but I would’ve known, which would have set heavy on my conscience.

But now I’m here, on my way to see him, and I feel sick. What if he’s busy? What if he has a girl over? What if he changed his mind about everything?

I take a few deliberate deep breaths, and my Uber driver looks at me through the rearview mirror. He probably thinks I’m going to be sick in the back of his car. I can’t even reassure him that I’m not. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous.

It’s almost ten at night when the car pulls up to Hawke’s apartment building. I’m exhausted from a full day of flying, but I can’t pull myself out of the backseat. I sit there looking out the window, just staring. Is he in there? What’s he thinking about?

“Um, are you ok?” the driver asks, pulling me out of my trance.