Page 81 of Josh’s Play

“Oh, fuck no. No. No. No.” I reminded myself of Campbell as my hands shot to my hair, and I ran my fingers through my locks. “What the fuck, Devon?! I fucking bought that for you!”

“Hey, Josh!” My brother had that tone that meant his next words would be angry ones. What the hell right did my brother have to be angry in that moment? I really felt like I was the only one in that room with the right to be angry.

Devon’s voice was calmer when he spoke from the bed he was sharing with my brother. “Let us explain, Josh.”

“Us? Us! What in the actual fuck? You’re … you … and you! I … how? No, God, don’t answer that, I can see how!” There was that righteous anger that I had every right to feel. I flung my finger toward the butt plug, pointing at it in dramatic fashion.

“Josh. Give us a minute to get dressed. Then we’ll talk,” Devon pleaded.

“Stop with the fucking ‘us.’ What the hell is going on here?”

“We were going to tell you, Josh. All of you, at brunch tomorrow. I am so sorry to have kept this from you, but Jamie wanted to come out first, and then we weren’t together, but then we were. Are. And we both agreed that we wanted to tell you this weekend. And Jamie wanted to tell you sooner, but I made him wait. Which was stupid.”

“So, what? You spend a month in New York, and you can’t turn on fucking Grindr? You have to take advantage of a lonely old ... er guy?”

“Josh!” my brother yelled again, and that’s when I realized that whatever the fuck was going on, me standing in the middle of our dorm room, the only one dressed while my brother and Devon tried to placate me, was not going to resolve anything. And then Jamie went and fucking said something even more shocking than Devon’s confession that he was dating my twenty-years-older brother.

Jamison Duncan fucking Gordon looked at my best friend as he assured me, “Josh, I appreciate your concern, but trust me, Devon is not taking advantage of me.” I looked at Devon as he returned my brother’s gaze. “I am right where I want to be.” I could practically see the hearts exploding from both of their sets of eyes. And I wanted to be happy for them, I really did, but I was still too shocked to process any of it.

I’d kept some things from Devon too. Some really important things, but after my drunken confessions over Thanksgiving, I didn’t think Devon would be surprised when I told him who I’d lost my heart to.

I was just really sad that Devon and I had been going through similar transformations right under each other's noses and hadn’t shared that with each other. And I was really sad that my eldest brother was finding his light again after being depressed for so long, and that he’d had to hide that light as well.

While I was thinking all of these deep thoughts, Devon was making a joke, and that just pissed me off all over again. “Well, maybe not right where you want to be.”

“Fuck this! Fuck! This! Collect up your toys and get out of my room, Jamie!”

My brother neither said nor did anything, but Devon thought another joke was in order. “My toy,” he mumbled.

There was more shouting, possibly only by me, and more apologies from my brother. He reminded me that my best friend was invited to Easter Sunday, and that they planned to announce that they were dating to the whole Marchetti-Gordon clan.

I reminded them that they should both fuck themselves and told them that I would not be in attendance.

“Have fucking fun with my family. They think I’m out of town anyway. I’ll tell them we got a late start heading back, and I have to miss brunch.” My anger may have waned, and by the time I got to the part about brunch, I was thinking about my niece and our family holidays and hating the thought of missing out. What started out as yelling ended in a sad whine as I finally fled from the room, letting that obnoxiously loud door slam out the last of my anger.

Chapter Twenty

Campbell

Josh had texted me when he arrived at the dorm, and I responded, wishing him good luck with Devon. Then because I couldn’t help myself, I texted him a picture of Pixie, who was finally in labor. I loved having someone to share my life with.

I helped my dad with what turned out to be a smooth birth, and after washing up a few hours later, discovered that Josh had blown up my phone. I listened to his voicemails, read all of the texts, and went to talk to my parents.

I was on the road within the hour, in my Mom’s pickup, after texting Josh to let him know I was on my way.

Finn: Confirmed that Hockey House is empty. Di and Noah are at her place. Don’t argue. I’m coming back.

I described where he could find a key hidden in the back yard and asked him to wait for me there. It was late afternoon when I found Josh curled up on top of the covers of my bed, his bare feet sticking out of jeans that looked like they were made to fit him, wearing a button-down shirt I had seen him wear once before. I stood in the doorway and thought about the first time he’d been in my room. I thought about how much I’d wanted him to kiss me then, how much I'd wanted him to do more.

All I wanted as I stared at him then was to take away the anxiety he was feeling. I entered the room, kicked off my shoes, and sat on the bed. I brushed Josh’s short curls from his forehead and leaned down to kiss it.

“Babe?”

With a deep intake of breath, Josh’s eyes opened. I continued to brush his hair and stare into those deep-blue eyes as confusion turned to realization and then to pain.

“He’s my best friend, Cam.”

“I know, baby.” He stayed curled up but nuzzled into my hand, letting me know I should continue to stroke his hair.