Page 61 of Declan

Shit.

I couldn’t stop my hand from raking through my hair and yanking.

“I’m sorry, Mama, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Then I watched tears brim in her eyes.

“I’m talking too much. I know. I’m just—”

“Just ask what you want to know,” I invited.

“Am I that obvious?”

“You’re my mom. Nine minutes, nine hours, nine years, I’m not gonna forget. I know you become chatty when you’re nervous.”

“She’s got your number, Meggy,” my dad said, and offered me a can of soda.

I would’ve preferred liquor, or at least I thought I would’ve. I’d never been drunk so I couldn’t know for sure, but I needed something to calm the jitters.

“Are you happy?” my mom asked.

“What?”

“That’s what I want to know.”

“No,” I answered honestly and my mom broke down.

My dad moved to her, wrapped her in his arms, and held her while she cried.

Shit. How did I fix this?

“You’re gonna be grandparents. Emerson and Thad are having a baby.”

My mom sucked in a breath but said nothing.

“Thad’s a good guy. He loves her like crazy. He’s excited.”

More silence.

Shit.

“She’s happy. Really happy.”

Still nothing.

“I just spent time with Thad—”

“Stop, sweetheart,” my dad commanded. “We’re happy for your sister. But we’re not talking about her. We’re talking about you. Her happiness doesn’t make us any less devastated. We have two daughters. Two beautiful, smart girls. One is not more important than the other. I know you’re trying to make us feel better by telling us her good news but that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re hurting.”

“I just—”

“I know what you were doing. You’ve done it your whole life. Since you were a little girl, you always celebrated Emerson’s achievements more than your own. But we love you two the same. Have you talked to Emmy?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

I felt exceptionally uncomfortable under my dad’s scrutiny, and when I started shifting from foot to foot, I knew he knew.

“Why not, Autumn?” he pushed.