Page 7 of Living at 40

“What the fuck was that all about?” I ask, watching Autumn’s hips sway and her backside clench as she walks away. Her toned legs flex as she stalks over the sand, and my mouth waters. I want to lick up those hamstrings and nibble at the crease where her ass meets her legs. Then I want to press my face between those thighs and feast.

I’d like to say I don’t normally think like this about women, and in many ways, I don’t. But from the second I’ve laid eyes on Autumn, I cannot get my thoughts under control. Then I hear this about a baby.

“She’s just struggling. I’d say it’s a midlife crisis, but she’s too young. Women don’t have those until after forty,” Anna states, glancing out at the kids jumping in the waves.

“And when do men have them?” Zack asks.

“Thirty-five,” Anna clarifies like she’s a psychologist instead of a middle school teacher.

“I think I missed mine,” Mason states, and Ben laughs.

“That’s because you’d have to grow up a little first before questioning what you’ve done with your life so far.”

We all laugh, but Mason’s eyes pinch. Ben’s words have hit a mark. Mason is a cad with women, but he’s also a good guy at heart, and I have my suspicions he’s been in love with a woman who broke his heart. Assuming she was someone unobtainable or resistant to the Mason Becker charm, it’s wearing on our friend that he can’t seem to replace whoever it was in his life. In some ways, I know the feeling. I thought Chloe was my everything. I thought we’d be together forever. After Lorna was born, something changed. I worked hard to provide for my family, but it wasn’t good enough, or maybe it was too much. Chloe grew distant and then indifferent. She didn’t seem to care about me anymore, and one day, she said exactly that. Surprisingly, we divorced relatively amicably, deciding it was better to suck up our hurts for the sake of our daughter. Separate but together was how Chloe worded it. I never liked the phrase.

Gazing down the beach, I watch Autumn grow smaller and smaller on the edge of the shore.

“So what’s with the list?” I ask.

“What list?” Ben asks.

“The one with three men.”

Anna dismissively waves me off. “Oh, I just made that up. She doesn’t have an official list. Not yet. I’m just suggesting she do it that way. Then she can keep things attachment-free like she always does.”

“I don’t want her unattached, though,” Ben admits, and Anna catches his eye.

“I know, but you can’t make her fall in love. Like you couldn’t make any of those losers she’s dated fall in love with her. You want her to be happy, but too often, she settles.”

Ben nods, and a more serious discussion falls into the cracks of what isn’t being said.

“Sounds like the very definition of a loser if they didn’t love her,” Mason states, surprising all of us.

“What happened to the guy she was living with?” I ask.

“Rick,” Ben clarifies.

“What happened is, he put his dick into another woman,” Anna bluntly speaks.

“I love when you talk dirty,” Mason growls with a smirky grin before he takes a pull from his beer.

“Ouch.” Zack winces at the suggestion of cheating before lifting his beer for a sip.

“Men suck,” Mason adds, and we all chuckle. He hasn’t been the most faithful of men. Then again, he hasn’t been disloyal to women either. He’s clear about being attachment-resistant. No commitments from him.

“Well, the right man is still out there for her. I believe that. I have to believe that,” Anna says, gazing over at Ben. We’ve formed a circle of sorts with Ben and Anna across from one another and the rest of us falling in line minus the empty seat next to me. A circle of friends as Lorna would sing from some Girl Scout song. It’s still amazing to me that our friendship has lasted this long.

“What’s the plan for the next two weeks?” asks Zack, the most uptight and schedule-driven of us.

“Eat. Drink. Be merry,” Ben states.

“Or do a Mary if we find one,” Mason states.

“Dude,” Zack hisses before laughing, and Ben smiles.

“No extracurriculars at the house,” Ben warns. “I want everyone to relax and hang out. Feel like this is your home away from home. Come and go but don’t disappear.” It’s all said in a fatherly tone. Ben’s taking our time together seriously.

“To together,” Zack says, tipping his beer to Ben, who hasn’t been drinking one although it’s open and poised on the armrest of his chair. Ben tips his beer to Zack’s.