Page 28 of Learning at 40

I shrug, dismissing my comment.

“Oh, no, you cannot just say something like that and expect me to let it go.” His voice drops. “So, you liked it?” For a confident man, the question startles me and reminds me how uncertain he is under that hard exterior. The question is, why?

“Liked what?” I tease innocently as I smile back at him. He checks on his boys ahead of us before wrapping an arm around me, placing his hand on my hip and tugging me closer to him.

“Liked my tongue on you.” He leans in to kiss my neck. “Liked my lips on yours.” He nips my earlobe. “Next time, I’m going to use my fingers.”

“Next time?” I flirt, turning to face him after a quick glance at his boys. My gaze drops to his mouth. “Think you’ll have a next time?”

“Absolutely,” he promises. “This is not a one-night stand.”

“Ten-day fling?”

His eyes lower to my mouth, and his voice drops when he says, “I don’t think ten days is going to be enough.” He gives me a kiss that’s too short, too quick.

“Dad,” one of the boys cries out, and we both glance down the road toward them. I expect Zack to remove his arm, but to my surprise, he doesn’t release me. His arm stays around my lower back with his hand on my hip, and I smile to myself with how right he feels next to me.

11

[Zack]

The barbecue is craziness and chaos as the younger set of kids run around the yard and the older set suddenly has friends lingering near the house. Logan has fallen into domestic bliss for the second time, and it gives me some hope it might happen to me someday. It would be the first time, though. Jeanine and I had a strained relationship. As another attorney, we met at a conference. One night with too much scotch led to a phone call from her two months later. She didn’t want to keep the babies, but I did. We married to protect her reputation. She didn’t want to be a single mom in a tough industry. However, she was never a mother figure. We had nanny after nanny, and as I buried myself in work, I hadn’t paid attention. I let her run our home until she started having affairs.

Fly in love.

Ben must have been on some serious meds when he wrote that suggestion. He knew I didn’t love my ex-wife. God forgive me, but Jeanine hadn’t loved me either. We married for the children, which everyone knows is the worst reason. My boys hardly knew their mother or me, and I recall what Trevor said earlier.

Our mother left us.

River’s response startled me even more. She assured him she would be here for him. Well, at least as guardian of the tree fort. Either way, that commitment would take more than ten days. It would take a lifetime. I glance over at her talking with Autumn, wondering if she meant it. Would she want a second chance at . . . what? Love? I didn’t believe in love for myself. Would she be interested in marrying again? Could she love someone else’s children? Of course, these were hypothetical questions. Autumn loves Lorna, Logan’s daughter, but that’s different. She’s known the girl her entire life, and Autumn has loved Logan since she was a teenager.

You can’t fall in love in ten days, can you?

You can’t really fly in love, whatever the hell that means.

And I’ve learned my lesson about lust and one-night stands. Thank goodness River and I have already made it through two nights, and this marks our third. I look forward to a few more.

Autumn hands baby Ben to River, and Anna falls into the seat next to me.

“I like her,” she says, smiling over at River who’s rocking the baby in her arms.

“You just met her,” I remind her as she admitted her guilt at not meeting River sooner.

Anna shrugs. “You like her, too,” she teases.

“How do you know?” I laugh.

“Because you can’t take your eyes off her.” I chew my lower lip, trying to prevent my gaze from wandering to River, but I only pause on Anna for a second before the pull is too strong. Anna chuckles next to me.

“It’s a good look on you.”

“What is?” I ask, turning to face Anna more fully this time.

“Love.”

I sputter. “I’m not in love.” Anna knows my philosophy. Love is dangerous. Not only had I not loved my wife but I’d also watched my mother—who had deeply loved my father—fall apart when everything happened. My father’s professions of love had been a lie. He claimed he did what he did because he loved her, but he also made his decisions sound like her fault. My mother hadn’t disagreed.

Love was Anna and Ben, but that was rare and not for me.