Page 116 of Allegiant

Now he knows what we once intended to do.

Even so, I’m not giving him up. I know I fucked up, but Rowan will forgive me. He forgave Adriana, for fuck’s sake; he’ll forgive me, too.

He has to.

I’m not sure what I’ll do if he doesn’t.

“Tell me what you know,” Rowan says, taking a seat. He juts his chin at the closed folder in front of Wylder. “I want to know everything.”

I slide into the seat beside him, dropping my voice low. “Baby, I’ve seen the file. I don’t think you want to see it.”

Rowan bares his teeth at me. “I’m not your fucking baby, Samson. Now show me the damn file.”

Harley snatches it from in front of Wylder. His face is solemn as he puts it behind his back. “I’m sorry, friend. Samson might crack, but I won’t. Trust me, seeing what’s in here is only going to bring you more pain. I’m not going to let you do it. I care about you.”

“You care about me?” Rowan’s voice takes on a slightly hysterical edge. “Tell me, friend, did you know about the request? Why Samson originally tracked me down?”

Harley’s silence answers the question for him.

“I see,” Rowan says delicately. “Is that true for all of you?”

More silence. I want to scream, just to break it, but I still can’t find my voice. I fear I may have lost it forever.

Rowan gives a choked sob. I reach for him instinctively, but he shrinks out of my reach. “Don’t. Don’t fucking touch me.”

From the corner of my eye, I see Cade wince. Why’s he wincing? I’m the one having his heart completely obliterated.

“So, not only were you all hiding that you are The Firm from me, but that Samson was going to kill me.”

“No,” I say, finally finding my voice. “No, I wasn’t going to kill you. I couldn’t. I really couldn’t.”

He twists to face me. “Look me dead in the eyes, Samson Buckingham. Do that, and tell me you never planned to kill me.”

I can’t. I can’t, and he fucking knows it.

Rowan gives a bitter laugh. “Exactly.”

He turns his attention back to the table at large. “Okay. So, clearly Samson had to fess up at some point that he couldn’t follow through. What did the great and mighty Firm decide to do then? Hmm? What the fuck did you decide to do then?”

Harley pales as I mutter an oath under my breath. Surely none of my brothers will be stupid enough to answer that question.

“Harley offered to finish the mission,” Dalton says bluntly. He ducks to the side, easily evading my dagger, and then continues speaking to Rowan as though nothing happened. “We haven’t been honest with you in the past, but we will going forward. I’m not sure why my brother seems to have lost his tongue, but let me assure you, you’re one of us now.”

“One of you?” Rowan chokes as tears spill over. “You think I want to be a part of this…this fucking game?”

“It’s not a game.” Wylder frowns. “What we do here is very important and⁠—”

“It’s a game!” Rowan roars, springing to his feet. Tears might be flowing down his face, but it does nothing to diminish how magnificent he is in his fury. “You sit here, judge, jury, executioner, playing games with people’s lives. Don’t deny it.”

“We’re not,” I croak, standing and desperately trying to get closer to Rowan. “I swear. We research our targets thoroughly. We take what we do seriously. Our decisions aren’t made in the heat of the moment.”

He stares at me in disbelief. “How can you say that when you got it wrong with me? How many others have you got it wrong with, hmm? How many innocent people have you killed?”

I don’t have a response for him. How can I, when the same question has kept me up at night for the past few weeks?

“What happened with you was an anomaly,” Wylder says slowly. “We’ve already put more fail-safes into place to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

“These are people’s lives,” he repeats in a whisper. “This is my life. Mine. And you tried to take it from me.”