Page 139 of The Monster and the Masochist

“Yeah. He has all these horrible allegations coming out against him… and he’s hiding something from us. It’s like… he didn’t exist ten years ago or something. Nolan and I can’t find anything from before he started his creepy, cult-like megachurch.”

“Can’t you guys just… drop him? As a client I mean?” I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Cass glanced at me, her lips pursing.

“If I were already a partner, I’d be in a better position to do that. But as of right now, it’s not really my choice. It’s one of the downsides of being a defense attorney. Sometimes you have to defend people you know are guilty, whether you want to or not. Especially if they have money and connections.” Her lip curled at this, telling me she hated that she was being forced to defend someone she clearly hated, but… it still hurt.

Doing my best to stamp down the unreasonable feelings of rage and betrayal that were welling up inside me, I nodded.

Outwardly, I knew I probably just looked tired and run down, but internally, I was struggling not to fucking scream at her.

Don’t you have any fucking morals!? He hurts little kids! He’s hurting kids, and you’re still going to defend him!?

But, just like she didn’t have any right to tell me not to fight anymore, I didn’t have any right to tell her to quit her job.

Not after she’d spent her entire life clawing her way into this position.

Besides, I knew these feelings were more personal than anything.

She’d basically just confirmed that if she didn’t go through with this case, it would jeopardize her career… Which meant it didn’t really matter if I told her that her client had molested me, too.

She would probably still defend him… And I wouldn’t survive it if that particular truth were ever confirmed.

If she chose my rapist over me, there would be no coming back from that… And I just wasn’t strong enough to find out if she would or not.

It’s not like my fears were completely unfounded.

I’d known Cass for less than a year. She’d made it clear we weren’t fucking other people while we had this… arrangement, but… I wasn’t even sure if that meant we were officially dating. She’d made it clear that the marriage was fake and would need to stay fake for some fucked up reasons I didn’t quite understand…

Why would she give up her entire career for someone she was just using to get a promotion?

She wouldn’t.

No sane person would.

My heart squeezed in my chest as these painful truths swirled through my hungover, concussed mind, and once again, I found myself fighting off tears.

“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that ass wipe anymore. I want to talk about you.”

Fuck.

I swallowed, and suddenly, the blanket I’d curled up in was the most interesting thing I’d seen in the world.

I fiddled with the corner, ignoring the burn of Cassandra’s gaze on my face.

“Theo. Why am I missing three bottles of wine from my fridge?”

Shame shot through me with the intensity of a power washer. My entire body went cold, even as my face heated so much I was sure my cheeks had visibly flushed.

That was… not what I’d expected her to ask.

“I… Cass, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Did you drink all that before fighting yesterday?”

“Cass…” I whined, burying my face in my hands and wishing I could disappear.

“You should have said something. You have a concussion, Theo. The fact that you had that much alcohol in your system and no one knew… I should have taken you to the hospital. You could have died.” She wasn’t yelling at me, and I almost wished she was. It would have hurt less than the sheer disappointment dripping from her tone.