Page 61 of My All American Girl

Jude wandered over, bringing me the drink I was about to ask for. He put it down in front of me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said, leaning against the bar.

“Mo’s worried about Sarah,” I said, not meeting his gaze.

Jude nodded. “Can’t blame him. Survival training is no joke.”

“No, it’s not,” I agreed, my mind drifting back to those grueling days. “But she’s a beast. She’ll make it through.”

Jude studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, she will. And so will you.”

I looked at him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “You’re carrying a lot on your shoulders. Sitting here with her old man can’t be easy.”

“No, it isn’t,” I sighed. “I feel like the biggest asshole that ever walked the face of the earth.”

Jude chuckled. “Nah, I think there are plenty of bigger assholes.”

He walked away just as Mo came back in, looking slightly more composed. “Sorry about that,” he said, sitting back down. “Work stuff.”

“No problem,” I said. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, just some logistics to sort out. So, how have things been since the divorce was finalized?”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Quieter,” I said. “More peaceful. Not having her constantly bombarding me or blasting me on social media is a relief.”

Mo nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Dean. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

I shrugged, trying to push the memories away. “I disappointed her,” I admitted. “The military life wasn’t what she wanted. But I still don’t understand how and where it all went so sour. We used to talk about having a family. Now, I can’t even connect to that guy I used to be. I was different. She was different, but if you ask her, I transformed into a world-class asshole, and she was the perfect little wife.”

Mo’s expression softened. “It’ll settle, Dean,” he said reassuringly. “You’ll meet someone who reminds you why you wanted all those things.”

I shook my head. “I’m not so sure I want them anymore,” I confessed. “I think I just talked myself into wanting them to make her happy. She was the one who saw us living in a giant house. I think she expected me to jump out of the Air Force and into some cushy job making big bucks. I don’t think I ever led her to believe that, but she did.”

Mo leaned back in his chair, considering my words. “Being a military man and having children and a wife isn’t easy,” he said, his voice serious. “But it’s been my biggest accomplishment in life, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

I studied him for a moment. The respect and admiration I felt for him was immense. Mo had always been a role model for me, not just as a military officer but as a husband and father. “You’ve done well, Mo,” I said sincerely. “But I think you are one of the few who managed to make it work. The statistics are not in our favor. Some of us are married to the military. Few women want to play second fiddle to such a demanding mistress.”

Mo pondered this for a moment, taking a long sip of his drink before setting it back down. “I won’t say it’s easy, Dean,” he admitted. “And you’re right. There are a lot of marriages that don’t withstand the pressures of the military life. But sometimes, I believe it’s more about the people involved than the circumstances themselves.”

I frowned, taking a swig from my own glass, letting the bitter liquid burn its way down my throat. “You mean some people are just not cut out for it?”

Mo nodded. “Yes, I do. And maybe—” He paused, searching for the right words. “Maybe she wasn’t cut out for it,” he finished.

“Maybe you’re right,” I admitted, staring into the dark abyss of my drink as if it held all the answers.

“But it’s not just about her, is it?” Mo asked, a knowing tone lacing his voice. “It’s also about what you want, who you are.”

“What do you mean?” I looked at him, waiting for him to tell me what was wrong with me.

He leaned forward, his gaze steady. “You’ve always been more dedicated to the military than anything else. You’re a soldier through and through. Perhaps deep down, you weren’t ready for the family life she wanted, not just yet. And there’s no fault in that, Dean. It’s good you knew what you wanted. It could have been so much worse if you had children when your relationship wasn’t ready for that kind of thing.”

I nodded slowly. There was so much truth in what he was saying, but it wasn’t easy to accept. “I really thought I loved her.”

“I know,” he said gently. “I’m sure you did. But military spouses are a different breed. I didn’t know her well and I don’t want to say anything bad about her, but Margaret wasn’t the right one. You’ll find the right one. You’ll figure it out. Sometimes things don’t go the way we planned, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find happiness.”

I nodded, grateful for his understanding. “I hope so.”

We chatted a bit longer. My guilt wasn’t any better. If anything, I felt worse. Here he was, giving me excellent advice, and I was not being honest with him.

Eventually, Mo glanced at his watch. “I should probably get going,” he said regretfully. “I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

“Of course,” I said, standing up. “Thanks for coming by Mo. It was good to see you.”

He stood as well, clapping me on the shoulder. “Likewise, Dean. Take care of yourself.”

“You too. I’ll call if I hear anything about Sarah’s training, but I’m sure she’ll be fine,” I told him.

He smiled. “Me too.”

After he left, I went up to the bar where Jude was casually hanging out. “Well?” he asked. “No guns were drawn. I take it you didn’t tell him what you got up to with his daughter.”

“I did not,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m not sure I ever will.”