Page 71 of The Cost of Love

The fresh air hitting my face wakes me up from my daze, and it’s like all of my emotions hit me at once. I slump down on the steps outside the building and drop my head into my hands. Pressing my palms against my eyes, I try to keep my breathing even.

“Was that the girl?” I can hear Carter pacing in front of me, so I look up.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t tell me she was Black, too.”

I sigh, running my hands through my hair. “Don’t start,” I say, already feeling like I am sitting at the bottom of a well.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be in these circles when you aren’t white. Especially being a part of an interracial relationship. My mother’s life was hell, and she came from money.”

“That was before.”

He stops moving and comes to stand directly in front of me. “You’re talking from a place of privilege right now.” His eyes are stern. Mouth set in a firm line.

I apologize, knowing that I shouldn’t have said it. “It doesn’t matter anyway. She doesn’t want me like that. Especially after tonight.”

He finally sits next to me and places a hand on my shoulder. I throw my head back and look up at the starry sky, searching for a semblance of ease.

“I’m sorry. I saw that you were devastated when you walked back in. I should’ve focused on that.”

Is that what this feeling is? This gut-churning, heart-racing panic? I feel like I lost my ability to breathe properly, and the rest of me is slowly deteriorating from the lack of oxygen.

“I don’t know what to do. I fucked up. I told myself that I was going to show her that I am the man for her, and I have done the opposite. How is she supposed to trust me now?”

“It’s not all you have done. For months, I have watched you go after this woman with reckless regard for anything else. Yes, you shouldn’t have been going on dates with Elizabeth if you were trying to prove to her that you are loyal. But you didn’t cheat. You didn’t break her trust. You just showed her that she isn’t the only one.”

“But she is the only one. And I do feel like I cheated.” I stand up, needing to move. He watches me in silence before joining me on the sidewalk.

“I need to go back in there. I’ve already caused a scene.”

“No, you need to go home. With the way you look, you’re only going to create more of a scandal. Plus, Chanice doesn’t get the choice to go home, and seeing you will just make her night so much worse.”

He’s right. No one will benefit from me staying here. I run my hands through my hair again, pulling at the strands. Carter comes to stand next to me and pats me on the back. With one last look, he turns to go in.

Just as my car pulls up, Elizabeth calls my name. I can’t believe I was going to leave without saying anything to her.

“I guess I know now why you aren’t interested.” She stops right in front of me, her head held high. I don’t know what to say to that, so I just keep looking at her.

“I liked you because you are different, but maybe that’s why this would never work.” She smiles, and it’s got a tinge of sadness to it, making me wish so much more that I never did this.

I want to say sorry for my role in all of this, but she doesn’t give me the chance before turning and walking away.

Feeling like a complete asshole, I go home.

Chapter 28

Chanice

Ilook down at my phone to see another text from Alex. He is asking to talk. A few days have passed since the party, and I still don’t know what the right words are. Before I get lost in that thought again, Jessie walks into my apartment.

I place my phone face down and get up to give her a hug.

“Thank you again for braiding my hair. I just need a break from it.”

“Of course, girl. We should be done by the time the kids are home, and then I’ll do Imani’s.”

I sit down between her legs, and she gets started on the parting. The silence makes my mind wander back to him. My stomach twists with conflicting emotions, and I have to wonder again if I’m stupid two ways over. I don’t know how I let myself get to this place where I’m entirely his and not all at the same time. And I don’t know how I ever thought it could work.