Page 26 of Ginjuh

“What the hell are you doing?” I spat back. “Don’t talk to Grandpa like that.”

“Zachary.” My grandpa barked again. “Don’t raise your voice to your father, damnit.”

“Why not?” I looked up at my grandpa. “He’s talking to you any damn way he pleases!”

Grandpa deflated.

“Go home, Ginjuh,” Dad demanded. “I’ll be home to talk to you about this…and your fight at school…later.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” I planted my feet and crossed my hands over my chest. “It’s not Grandpa’s fault I got into a fight at school. It’s not Grandpa’s fault you called me a queer and I was pissed off when I got there so that when Matt started hassling me I got a little rough with him.”

“You did what?” Grandpa barked down at my dad.

“Hold up.” My dad grimaced and held his hands out defensively. “I didn’t call you…a…a…queer, Ginjuh.”

“Zach!” I screeched, throwing my hands in the air. “Zach! Zach! Zach!”

My dad rolled his eyes.

“You asked me if I was a queer since I didn’t have a girlfriend.” I spat. “Same damn thing, dad.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Ain’t right, Mark.” Grandpa shook his head. “Ain’t no way to talk to your son.”

“How the fuck would you know?” My dad spat at him, then turned on me. “Gin—Zach, I didn’t mean to imply that you were…that…well, I didn’t mean to imply that it was a bad thing if you were. All right? That was all taken the wrong way. It was just a misunderstanding, Zach.”

“Oh, who cares.” I sighed. “You’ve only got to put up with me for another year. Who cares what you do or don’t call me or what you do or don’t think? I’m never there anyway, am I? I’ll keep my queer ass out of sight, all right?”

“Zach…”

“Ain’t no way to apologize either, Mark.” Grandpa shook his head. “You say something like that and don’t mean it, you say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I apologize’, not ‘I didn’t mean it that way’.”

I gave Grandpa a grin.

“Mind your business.” My dad spat at him.

“What the hell is your problem?” I growled at my dad. “Don’t talk to Grandpa that way. At least he treats me like a human being. With respect. At least Grandpa remembers my damn name!”

“He’s not even your damn Grandpa for fuck’s sake!” My dad growled back angrily.

How to explain what happens when something like that is said is difficult, but it felt like time stood still. Like all the breath was sucked out of my lungs and the only thing holding me up was the rigidity that coursed through my body. Dad’s face turned red and his eyes grew wide in shock at what he had just let come out of his mouth. My head turned slowly to look up the steps to where my Grandpa was standing. His head was lowered and he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Grandpa?” I mumbled. “What’s he…what?”

“Zach.” My dad shook his head. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

I snapped my head around to look at my dad.

“Didn’t mean to say it or it’s not true?” I demanded.

Dad licked his lips and his eyes did anything but meet mine. Grandpa was avoiding my eyes as well.

“Which is it?” I demanded again.

“Ginjuh, just—”

“My fucking name is Zach!” I howled.