Page 27 of Ginjuh

Then I was dashing off towards the fields.

When Austin found me, sitting in the middle of the path we had cut through the cornfields, I was holding my knees to my chest and my eyes surely matched my hair. I didn’t even know how to begin processing what my father had said about…Grandpa? My mind had been racing, wondering what to do with this sudden revelation from my father. A revelation that only happened because he was pissed off that I was a queer and I had gotten into a fight at school. He had come out to Grandpa’s house to blame him for all of it—as though the man had injected me with “The Gay” and then told me to go commit violence against some ignorant asshole at school.

Austin sat down next to me as I sniffled and rocked back and forth gently, still holding my knees against my chest. I wanted to stop, to wipe my eyes, to not feel like such a weak asshole while he was watching, but I didn’t know how. What did it mean that Grandpa wasn’t my grandpa? My mind filled with ideas about how that could be a thing. Did that mean I was adopted? I mean, neither of my parents had the same color of hair or skin coloring as me. My mom’s hair was the other side of red, but it wasn’t flaming red like mine. Neither of them had freckles. Or…did dad mean something else entirely when he said Grandpa wasn’t my grandpa?

“Your dad is gone,” Austin said gently. “He, um, didn’t stick around long after you left. Mr. Pelton told him to leave.”

“I’m sure he used those words.”

Austin chuckled bitterly.

“Not exactly.”

I gave a wet chuckle.

“I’m—I’m really sorry, Zach.” He said. “I mean, I’m sorry that that happened and I’m sorry that I heard all of it.”

“S’not your fault.” I shook my head with a sniffle. “Dad’s fault, really.”

“I guess.”

“What did my dad mean?”

Austin didn’t have an exact answer.

“I don’t know, Zach.” He said lowly. “But, uh, Mr. Pelton asked me to come find you and let you know he wanted to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Well, yeah.” I nodded. “But I don’t know if I want to know what he has to say.”

“I understand.”

“My dad called me a queer.” I sighed into my knees. “I got into a fight at school. And now Grandpa isn’t my grandpa. How is this a real day?”

“Do you really think he meant to call you a queer?”

I thought about that.

“No.” I relented. “Not really.”

“I don’t either,” Austin whispered, as though afraid to agree. “He looked really ashamed when you told Mr. Pelton about that.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“My dad used to make jokes.” Austin breathed out, as though speaking to no one, just wanting the wind to take the words away from him. “Before…before I told him about me. He doesn’t do it anymore.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve seen you, Zach,” Austin said. “The way you’ve put up with Matt’s shit in the halls and in class. The way he teases you and you let him get away with it. And he is trying to be mean. Maybe you need to cut your dad some slack?”

“Maybe.” A tear slid down my cheek.

“I don’t think he meant it.”

“What do you know?” I nudged his arm with my elbow, a small smile coming to my face.