Ginjuh

My name is not “Ginjuh” but that’s what everyone calls me. It all started when I was 3-years-old at a family reunion and my speech impediment kept me from properly parroting what everyone else in the family was calling me. Fifteen years later and my speech impediment is marginally better but I still have a shocking wave of flame-colored hair, freckles, and I’m so shy I can barely look at my own reflection. I’m still stuck with that awful nickname. Even the other people in school call me “Ginjuh”.

How can a teenage guy come out to his family when they already tease him about his looks and his speech impediment? Why wouldn’t a person’s family realize the damage they can do to a child’s self-esteem with such taunts? “It’s all just in good fun, Ginjuh!” is what they tell me. Sometimes I feel like my whole family is against me, like they want me to feel worthless.

At least I have my grandpa. But he’s been sick for a while. Above all things–being scared of coming out, being annoyed with the taunts and jabs, being so shy my own shadow scares me–I’m terrified of losing him. But that’s life, isn’t it? A guy has to learn to face it…or collapse under the weight of it.