Page 63 of Sex On A Plate

Wash the Brussel sprouts. Pat them half-assed dry.

Mash the 4 cloves of garlic and chop fine.

Slice the onion in half. Peel the shitty skin away from one half and set the other half aside. Take the prepped half and chop it, but not near as finely as you did the garlic.

Set both aside.

Slice each Brussel sprout in two, lengthwise (through the stem, toward the head). If they’re big, slice them in quarters (often the fresh organic ones from Sprout’s Market are monstrous).

Set the halved sprouts aside.

Cut all of the bacon into pieces between 1” and 1-1/2” long.

Transfer it in the skillet all at once. Set heat to slightly higher than medium. When the bacon begins to cook, it’ll make enough grease that the meat will start to deep fry.

Yes, deep fried bacon that’s cooked in bacon grease. Fucking YUM.

Stir it to ensure all pieces get cooked, and remove when it’s cooked, but not well done. We don’t want that crunchiness in this recipe. It’s also going to cook a little more, later. Just a little.

Transfer the bacon to a paper towel lined plate.

Don’t even think about dumping the bacon grease out. In fact, add the stick of butter to it. Turn the heat to medium high (if it isn’t already). As soon as the butter’s melted, toss in all the halved Brussel sprouts.

Salt and pepper liberally.

Stir.

Salt and pepper liberally. Add the chopped onion only.

Stir again.

One more time (stir, but no more salt and pepper).

You want to make sure all the Brussel sprouts get coated in the butter and bacon grease. It’s the bacon grease that gives them such flavor. The butter is, well, butter. Butter is like bacon. It’s good on everything.

Turn the heat to one click below high (between medium high and high). Put the lid on and cook for about 4 minutes (without stirring).

Remove the lid. Stir with the intention of moving the cooked sprouts from the bottom to the top, and the top ones to the bottom. Don’t worry if they’re mixed up a little, it’ll all work out.

Set the lid aside (off the pot).

Cook for another 4 minutes.

Add all the garlic.

Stir.

Cook for another minute.

Reduce heat to medium.

Add the bacon.

Stir.

Cook for 2 more minutes, stirring all the while.

Transfer to a platter and spread them in a layer roughly one sprout deep. I realize that might not be possible (one deep throughout the platter) but it’ll be fine if they’re 2 deep in places.

Drizzle the entire pile with balsamic reduction sauce. Drizzle, not drench.

Leave the excess reduction sauce in a bowl beside the sprouts so anyone who wants more can get it. I like enough on my plate to dip them in, personally.

This dish goes really well with steak, burgers, pork, or just about anything.

Some days, I’ll cook these for lunch and eat them all by themselves.

All I hope is this:

I convert some non-believer into a Brussel sprout lover. Furthermore, I hope that person is YOU.

Enjoy.