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Two minutes later, it was done. I was getting my act together. I had to. Whether or not there was a baby on the way or if somewhere in my very DNA, Dad’s fucked-upness was going to eventually take me over, I had to grow the hell up.

Alex’s first reaction had been to try and fix it for me, like he had been doing for years. Wyatt had been convinced I needed a drink to calm down and Ryan had made me realize that my first question should’ve been about her. What she wanted. How she was feeling.

God, I hate that all that’s true. Alex should’ve been able to trust that I would have fixed it if it was possible. Wyatt should’ve known I could deal with intense emotions sober, even if past outbursts hadn’t quite proven that. I should’ve had answers for Ryan.

It was time to get it together, and though I had no fucking clue how to go about doing that, I passed a pharmacy and headed inside on a whim. Just absently wandering through the aisles, I finally ended up in the toiletry section and picked up a few things I knew Alicia liked.

Her shampoo. The stupidly expensive lip balm she insisted was better than every other lip balm on earth but never wanted to buy because it cost too much. The tea she drank before bed. Chocolate.

Finally, I found myself standing in front of the pregnancy tests for what felt like an hour, but there were so many that I didn’t even know where to start. I considered calling one of my brothers. Alex, Colin, and Ryan had been through this, but in the end, I didn’t even reach for my phone. I was doing this myself.

Do we need digital, or early detection, or rapid result? Should I get a two-pack. No, a three-pack.

By the time I made it to the cashier, I’d decided to stick with the simplest looking one. My hands shook as I emptied my basket onto the counter. The dude who rang me up didn’t ask questions or give me any of the weird or knowing looks like I’d sort of been expecting. He barely even glanced at me, sending me on my way a minute later with a bag hanging from my hand containing a little box that could change everything.

And it could change it for the better, I suddenly realized.

While I’d never wanted marriage or kids, it occurred to me as I held that bag that I desperately wanted it all with her. I wanted the stupid, simple test to be positive so she and I could have a baby we’d raise together. I wanted to go home and finish fixing our deck so I could finally put up the Halloween decorations and then I’d go even bigger for Christmas.

I wanted to renovate Tasha’s room into a nursery and move my stuff into Alicia’s bedroom for good. To turn it into ours. As it sank in how badly I wanted all that, it hit me so hard that I could’ve wept with the hope spilling through my veins.

Now, all I had to do was prove to her that I was serious. And that I could become the kind of man she could depend on rather than one who walked away.

CHAPTER 44

ALICIA

Sometime in the early morning hours, I woke up when the mattress shifted behind me. It took me a second to remember where I was, but when I cracked open an eye and saw the faint glow of New York City beyond the windows, it all came tumbling back in.

Holden came back to me.

For a few hours there, I honestly hadn’t known if he would. I heard the quiet rustle of a paper bag and he reached over me, setting a few candy bars down on my nightstand. All my favorites.

My heart tried warming, but I refused to let it. For all I knew, this was his version of a goodbye. Although judging by the fact that his forearm was bare, he’d taken off his jacket and pushed his sleeves up to his elbows, but I didn’t turn to look whether he’d done it while packing his bags.

On the other hand, the mattress had shifted because he’d climbed into bed with me, which seemed an odd thing to do if he was leaving, but he didn’t say a word. Instead, he settled in under the covers, sliding one arm carefully around my waist and fitting his chest to my back. Tucking himself around me like a shield, it felt he was trying to make sure I was there and couldn’t leave.

The Ice King of Chicago, curling himself around his wife like he couldn’t bear not to touch her. Honestly, after the way he’d left and how numb I’d been, the gesture was too comforting not to relax into. I leaned into it, letting my body mold to his. In response, his arm tightened around me, drawing me even closer, but we still didn’t talk.

Okay, so he’s not leaving. That’s a start, right? He came back to me. He’s here. Maybe that means something.

While I doubted chocolate and cuddles could be a true solution to marital discord, just for tonight, for now, it felt like a step in the right direction. My eyes drifted shut again, and before I even knew it, exhaustion had dragged me under once more.

The next morning, the first thing I became aware of was the scent of coffee in the air. I cracked my eyes open to see Holden sitting on the chair beside the window with two takeout cups in his hands.

A tight, but genuine smile touched his lips when he noticed me looking at him. “Good morning, gorgeous.”

“Morning,” I murmured, my voice still thick with sleep, but when he held one cup out toward me, I pushed myself up and took it. “What’s with the room service?”

The compliment too, but I won’t bring that up right now. Hearing him call me gorgeous isn’t the worst way to start a day. Especially since I went to bed thinking he doesn’t care about me at all.

Holden shrugged one broad shoulder under a fitted t-shirt, those eyes never leaving mine. “I guess I wanted you to wake up to a peace offering.”

I wrapped my fingers a little tighter around the warmth of the cup and finally managed to return his tight, small smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

We lapsed into silence for a long, awkward minute before I cleared my throat and glanced at him again. “Where did you, uh. I mean. You don’t have to tell me, obviously, but where did you, uh…”