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It was ridiculous, but I couldn’t actually bring myself to finish the question. I wanted to know, but I also wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer. A guy who looked like Holden, alone in Manhattan after a fight with his arranged wife?
The possibilities were endless and I hated every last one of them more than the next.
His smile grew a little more amused, at least some of the tension draining out of his features as laughter sparked to life in his eyes. “Where did I go? It’s okay, Alicia. You can ask, and for the record, I do have to tell you. You’re my wife. I’m pretty sure it’s in the fine print of marriage as an institution.”
As I kept holding his gaze, it didn’t escape my notice that he’d been very careful not to reference our situation or the contract at all. He’d added those last words fast enough that it made me think he specifically wanted to avoid making it sound like he was talking about our contract.
Interesting, but not definitive. Unfortunately.
I lifted my chin a little higher. “Okay, so where did you go?”
“Out with the boys,” he said without skipping a beat. “Alex took Ryan and Wyatt to this horribly uptight whiskey bar and I met up with them there.”
I frowned. I hadn’t smelled alcohol on him when he’d climbed into bed, and I would’ve since I hadn’t had any myself and he’d pressed himself so tight against me, but I knew better than to read anything into it. Despite the amusement that’d appeared in his eyes, the air between us was still much too tense, nothing we’d argued about at all resolved.
As I nodded, the brief moment of levity ended anyway when he reached into the pocket of the jacket hanging over the chair. It was the one he’d had on last night. As soon as I saw the box he pulled out, my stomach went ice cold.
“I also popped into a pharmacy and bought this.” He showed it to me but didn’t move to hand it over. Instead, he just tapped it on the side of his hand twice before sliding it back into his pocket. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting any pressure on you. I’m not. I just wanted to have one nearby in case.”
Strangely, he didn’t sound panicked or scared. He also didn’t sound excited, so there was that, but at the end of the day, he also wasn’t cold anymore. He wasn’t a shut-down drone with the emotional range of a teaspoon either.
Despite the tension, there was warmth in his eyes and something careful about his tone. He took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in the chair, completely ignoring that little box for now. “Did you know there are about forty different options for those things? I had no idea which one to get, but if I chose wrong, just tell me and I’ll go grab a different kind.”
The very thought of him standing in front of that shelf, mulling over which test to buy, brought a smile to my lips. “Which one did you go for?”
He looked vaguely guilty for a second before he gave me the first ever sheepish smile I’d seen from him. “The one that looked least likely to require an engineering degree to use.”
A short, quiet laugh shot out of me before I could stop it, but then I drew in a breath and gave my head a small shake as I glanced at the corner of the box sticking out of his pocket. “Thank you, Holden. I appreciate the thought and the effort, but I’m not ready to take it.”
I waited for the disappointment or another flare of anger, but instead, relief flickered across those handsome features and he let out a breath that sounded like he might’ve been holding it. “Okay. I’d like to know at some point, but it doesn’t have to be today.”
My head tilted. “Are you ready for me to take it?”
“No.”
The answer came so fast that I knew it had to be honest, and although I was surprised, it also felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. “We’re about to spend the entire day with your family at a baby shower. Should we just shelve it until after?”
He nodded. “Yeah, for sure. Let’s do that. I want to know, but I don’t want to find out when we’re angry at each other or because it feels like an obligation to be fulfilled.”
My throat tightened, but I agreed. “I don’t either.”
After holding my gaze for another beat, he stood, leaving the jacket with that ridiculous little box that carried the weight of our future exactly where it was. “We should get going soon. I’ll give you some privacy to get ready. Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“Pastries, it is.” He grinned, but it was still strained. He grabbed a different jacket and took off, leaving me with my stomach in knots and a strange but deep sense of disappointment.
Holden was my husband, but he was clearing out of an entire hotel suite to give me privacy when he’d already seen everything I had to offer. That could mean only one of two things, either it was a sign of respect or he’d lost interest in me.
Trying not to overthink it, I took a quick shower and dried my hair, then changed. By the time he got back with breakfast to go, I was ready. In the car on our way to Staten Island, I picked at the delicious selection of pastries he’d bought, wondering if I should just ask where his head was at with all this.
Maybe I should just tell him that I love him and see what he does with it. Or maybe that will send him off the deep end.
By the time we pulled up to Maggie and Ryan’s massive house, I still hadn’t decided what to do, so I decided to put a pin in that too. Holden helped me out of the car. His hand rested on my back as he guided me inside.
I leaned into even that tiny touch, allowing myself just a moment of comfort before my jaw dropped the second we walked inside. Maggie had decorated the entire house in orange and black, somehow managing to make pregnancy look like the ultimate Halloween event.
There were pumpkins everywhere. A variety of tiny and huge, orange, white, and everything in between. One had even been carved into the shape of a skull with a pacifier in its mouth.
