Page 47

“The important thing to remember is that men are dumb.” Tamilee shook out her arms and rolled her head from side to side. She was built like a bulldog, before people started breeding them for all the wrong traits. Petite. Compact. Lethal.

I had the feeling I would be leaving here with a limp, but I was kind of excited about it, actually. If anyone could teach me to protect myself against unseen attackers, it was a Black lesbian who had served during don’t ask, don’t tell.

“I’m not sure it matters how dumb they are,” I said, imitating her movements. “Men are mostly bigger than me, and even the ones who are smaller than me are stronger.”

“See, that’s what they want you to focus on. You get all in your head about how a weak little woman doesn’t stand a chance against a big, strong man, and you give up before he even tells you not to scream. That’s what he wants. But you’re not going to give him that, because you know men are dumb. An astounding number of men believe they could win an unarmed fight with a grizzly bear. You think those same dumbass men are going to protect their weak spots from a soft thing like you?”

“Um…no?”

“Damn straight. So here’s what we’re going to do. First, we’ll go over the typical ways a man might grab a woman, and what you can do about it. Then, we’re going to learn the soft spots and the exact way to hit for maximum pain. Most importantly, we’re going to do this again tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that. Eventually, it’s going to be second nature to you. Muscle memory will override the fear response in your brain that makes you freeze.”

Freezing had never been an issue for me until recently. With pepper spray in my belt and people I trusted nearby, I was confident that I could handle any situation, so long as I stayed vigilant. Now I knew that was hubris. I had been lucky. Because when that knife slid between my ribs, I never saw it coming. And suddenly, the world no longer made sense. Where was the reason? The warning? How could something like this happen out of the blue, when I’m minding my own damn business, in front of a dozen witnesses, and no one saw a thing?

Before the attack, the world was a logical place. Good and bad, but there was a reason for all of it. Now all I saw was chaos. I couldn’t make sense of it, and that terrified me.

“There are a few different ways a man will try to grab you, and they’re all pretty obvious. He’ll grab your arm, or your hair, or come at you with a chokehold from behind. But let’s start with what happened last night. A big, drunk guy gets in your personal space, throws an arm around your shoulders⁠—”

Tamilee demonstrated with our bodies, but she was three inches shorter than me and not a drunk guy, so it didn’t have the same effect.

Then the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back with Tamilee’s forearm against my throat.

“That’s how fast a harmless encounter can turn into a threat. You have no idea who your attacker is. It could be anyone, even someone you think is a friend. From now on, no one gets into your personal space. You understand me?”

“Yes,” I wheezed.

“Good. I like you, Lila. I want you to stay alive.” The pressure against my throat vanished as she rolled off me. “On your feet, baby girl. We’ve got work to do.”

I accepted her hand, and she pulled me to stand.

We went through some basic holds and how to escape them, first in slow motion and then picking up speed. Every single run-through ended with me in an all-out sprint to the door.

“Can’t we just assume I’ll remember to run?” I dropped to my knees, panting.

“We’re not leaving anything to chance. You’d be surprised at how your brain will betray you in the worst moments. You put him down, and you run. It needs to be as familiar as breathing. You might not get more than a thirty-second head start, and hesitating for even a second of that could be the difference between getting home safely and ending up in the trunk of some asshole’s car.”

“Oh.” I swallowed hard. “Right.”

She squeezed my shoulder. “I know you’re scared. Fear can be a good thing. Don’t ignore those instincts warning you that something’s not right. But it’s important not to let it take over your brain.”

I nodded and dragged my shirt over my sweaty face. “Okay.”

“Let’s take a break, okay? Drink some water.”

With a groan, I flopped onto the mat. “I need a cookie.”

Tamilee laughed. “You deserve one. Unfortunately, we don’t keep gluten-free cookies in stock. I’ll make sure we order some for you.”

“No worries. I have some peanut butter cookies from Amos in my bag.” I knew better than to depend on other people to provide specialized snacks for my high-maintenance body. I never left home without my own snacks. I pushed onto my elbows, then flopped back down again. “I’ll grab one in a minute.” My eyes closed.

She laughed again. “All right. Let me do a quick walk-through and make sure no one needs anything, and you lay there and get your strength back. Five minutes. Then we’ll go again.” There was a pause, and I opened one eye to see her studying me. “Actually, let’s make it ten.”

Thank god.

“Sure,” I said.

The door creaked open as she exited. A few minutes later, it creaked again. “That was not ten minutes,” I muttered under my breath.

Footsteps came closer, stopping with a quiet squeak near my shoulder. A shadow fell across my face, blocking the yellow fluorescent light. Something landed on my stomach with a soft thunk.