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I needed to hear those words. There were times when I thought about ending it all because the pain and shame were too much to handle. I tried to protect Rondell, but in turn, I allowed myself to be mistreated and abused. For some reason, no one wanted to acknowledge that part.

“Do you think Siah and Solly are gonna stay mad at me? The whole world seems as if it’s against me, but their opinion means more to me than anyone else. I hate when I let them down.”

I wrapped my arms around myself as I thought about the look on Solomon’s face. He was hurt, and I was the cause of it.

“Girl, if you don’t know anything else, then know that those two love you unconditionally. Yes, they might be upset in the moment, but their love is unwavering. You already know my brother isn’t the best when it comes to expressing certain emotions, but he loves you. I doubt there’s anything you could ever do to change that.” Yaya squeezed my hand to comfort me.

“Ahem.”

Yaya and I looked towards the door at the sound of someone clearing their throat. When I saw Solomon standing there, I felt a mixture of emotions. While I understand the reason he was upset, all I wanted to do was lie in his arms and have him tell me everything would be okay.

“Alright, that’s my cue to head out. I love you, baby girl. I promise you’re not alone, and you don’t have to deal with anything by yourself. I know the fellas are supposed to tell everybody what happened, but I’m going to text the group chat in the morning. I think brunch and mimosas are in order. Get some rest, love.” Yaya kissed my cheek as she got up from the bed.

“Go easy on her. She doesn’t need a lecture; she needs your love,” Yaya whispered to Solomon.

I tried to pretend as if I hadn’t heard her, but it warmed my heart to know at least one person was on my side. Solomon walked into the room and closed the door behind him. When I saw him pull a gun from the waistband of his pants and set it on the dresser, I gulped. Solomon’s face appeared stoic as he removed his clothes, with nothing left except his boxes.

My mind swirled with so many thoughts as I thought about what I wanted to say to him. I didn’t want to argue, but I also didn’t want to go to bed with so much lingering in the air.

Solomon grabbed some things from the bag he brought inside and turned to walk out of the room. I assumed he went to take a shower, and my suspicions were confirmed after he returned forty minutes later. The delicious scent from his body wash mixed with this body oil made him smell like heaven. My coochie reacted even though it wasn’t the right time.

I watched as he walked around the room, without one look in my direction. It hurt my feelings, but I tried not to let it get to me.

“Yeah.” He addressed his phone in a dry tone.

“You don’t have to remind me of shit. I’m a grown-ass man, and I know how to read a fucking schedule.” Solomon barked into the phone.

A part of me felt bad for whoever was on the other end because I knew they were getting some of the anger he wanted to direct towards me.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll be there when I get there.”

He disconnected the call and tossed in on the bed. My eyes locked on him, and I couldn’t help but drool over the man in front of me. His six-pack was more defined than normal, which was confirmation that his gym sessions with Dreaux had paid off. His shorts hung on his waist, and it was obvious he wasn’t wearing any drawers. Even on soft, his dick hung low and curved to the left.

Get your mind right, Nes. You’re in enough trouble. There was no point in me starting at it because he wasn’t about to fuck me. I decided to take a shower and get ready for bed. He was supposed to fly out for an interview and a performance in the morning, so I knew he wouldn’t be up too late.

I grabbed my things and headed to the bathroom. My arm hurt, but I was able to move around. I winced as I peeled off my clothes, but I pushed through as best as I could. I stayed in the shower for longer than I planned as I cried my heart out. There were purple bruises all over my stomach and chest. When I looked at my swollen black eye and busted lip, it broke me down all over again. I wouldn’t consider myself vain, but I had never felt so ugly in my life.

Just when it seemed as if life had finally started to work out in my favor, I was smacked back down to reality. My past was haunting me once again, and I felt helpless.

After I got dressed and dried my damp hair, I headed back to the bedroom. Solomon sat on the side of the bed with his back facing me. He didn’t acknowledge me as I walked back into the room, and for some reason it triggered me. I made the decision that I wasn’t going to sleep next to him because I didn’t want to end my night being rejected after everything else I went through.

I grabbed my phone and my charger and walked out without saying anything. It wasn’t like he cared anyway. Once I made it back downstairs, most of the lights were off besides the overhead light in the kitchen and a small lamp in the living room. I headed down the hall to the linen closet, where they kept the throw blankets, and grabbed the thickest one. Messiah kept the house cold, so I usually made sure to keep extra socks and blankets at their house.

My feet shuffled across the carpet as I headed towards the large sectional. I grabbed the remote on the end table, although I was certain I would not be watching anything. I nestled under the blanket as I attempted to get comfortable, but nothing seemed to work.

I sat up on the couch, but when I took a deep breath, I inhaled a familiar scent of weed in the air. When I turned around towards the screen door that led to the backyard, I thought I saw a figure out there. I assumed it was Free, so I pulled the blanket back and headed outside. The potent smell grew stronger as I slid the back door open, and I knew someone was smoking outside.

The closer I got to the figure, I realized it wasn’t who I thought it was. Instead, my eyes locked on my big brother as he stared into space. He was shirtless with hoop shorts on and some slides. There was a dimly lit lamp on the side of him with an ashtray next to it.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked without even bothering to look up at me.

“I smelled the weed, but I thought it was Free. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ll go back inside.”

I turned to walk away, but he stopped me in my tracks.

“Sit down.”

His tone was much calmer than earlier, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know he was still upset. I followed his instructions and took a seat in the chair adjacent to his. When I sat down, my eyes landed on the black gun on the table in front of him, and it scared me. Solomon grew up in the streets, so it wasn’t unusual for him to have possession of a gun, but Messiah was different. I was used to the funny, charming, playful version of him, and the man before me was someone completely different.