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I felt condemned to a grim fate. When I’d told Katy the baby wouldn’t survive, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding out a shred of hope. After all, no matter what the complications, I didn’t want to lose the child. What mother would? But, it seemed like a certainty now. It was only a matter of how long I would have to wait to hear it from the doctor’s lips.
With a final sniffle, Katy broke free and stood to face me once again.
“I’m sorry,” she said, as she brushed at her cheeks with the tips of her fingers. “I don’t know what came over me. I guess it’s just been building up for a while now.”
Looking up, I smiled at her.
“It’s okay, Katy, I…”
Just then, the door to the room hissed open as Dr. Matthews entered. Expressionless, he walked towards my bed, and Katy stepped aside. He nodded in her direction for a moment before turning his attention to the monitoring equipment behind me. He uh hummed for several seconds as he checked the readings. At last, he lifted my chart to about waist high on his body and focused his attention squarely on me.
“Maddie…” he began as he looked down in my direction. His eyes peered over the tops of his glasses rising over the edges like small moons.
“Yes.”
“Listen Maddie, I’ll be frank with you.”
He paused for a moment as he pursed his lips and considered how to begin.
“I um, I have several daughters, and one of them, Rachel, is about your age. If she were in this bed, I would tell her the same thing I’m going to tell you. I don’t know if it will make this any easier to hear--probably it won’t--but I just wanted you to know that. I hope it’s reassuring. If only in a small way.”
I swallowed as he spoke. A heaviness overcame me. I nodded.
“Okay,” I muttered. “Thank you, Dr. Matthews.”
He exhaled and opened the folder containing my chart. For a moment or two, his eyes traced the markings on the page before he began to speak once more.
“Maddie, your situation is extremely serious, and unfortunately, you don’t have much time to decide what to do. If you opt to continue with the pregnancy, the chances are quite high the baby will not survive and to complicate matters, your own life is at risk.”
Sliding my arms out from beneath the bed sheet, I crossed them low across my tummy, hugging my bump as he continued.
“Your blood type is exceedingly rare, Maddie. Type AB negative. Do you understand what that means?”
I shook my head as I drew my eyes up to his. “No.”
“Well, in simple terms, should you experience significant blood loss, the consequences to you could be lethal. We don’t have enough on-hand here and to get any more before the time comes when you’ll need to reach a decision will be, well, too late I’m afraid.”
With each word he spoke, I began to feel disconnected from myself. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the mind’s way of coping with trauma. I don’t know, because I’d never experienced anything like it, but it didn’t seem real. It couldn’t be. Lightheadedness overwhelmed me.
“Maddie,” he said, as he reached down and placed his palm on my shoulder, startling me back into awareness. “I, um, don’t enjoy being the one to have to say this to you, but in this situation, it really would be the best thing for you if, well… I’ve consulted with your OB and I’m aware of the complications with the baby. There really is only one prudent course of action here. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
I nodded.
“Abortion?” I whispered.
His lips thinned. “Yes. I’m sorry. Maddie, I know this is a terrible thing. But, you are a young, healthy woman. It will pass. You can still have children.”
Heat flushed to my chest as I fought to restrain my grief. The doctor blinked slowly and continued to rub my shoulder. I inhaled and kept the tears at bay, for at least another moment or two.
“How much time do I have?” I gulped.
He shrugged. “A day. Maybe less. It could be a matter of hours. I really can’t say for certain.”
I nodded and drew my lips inward. They quivered as I fought against the despair building within. Just when I thought I had no more tears to shed, the harshness of this moment made it all too clear I still did. Silence fell across the room as I straddled the line of between composure and utter breakdown. Only the incessant chips and robotic beeps of the monitoring equipment entered my awareness.
“Okay,” he began, as a soft smile came to his lips. “Well, I’ll leave you to think things over for now.”
“O-Okay, Dr. Matthews. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, my dear. I’ll be back to check on you soon.”
With that, he turned and began to leave the room. On the way out, he paused where Katy stood and began to speak to her. They were far enough away that I couldn’t make out what they discussed. It didn’t matter though. The decision was mine and mine alone to make. For the moment at least, no tears escaped from my eyes. As Dr. Matthews exited, Katy made her way back over to me.
“Hey sweetie,” she said. “How are you?”
Exhaustion rippled through my body. “I’m so tired, Katy. I just want rest.”
Stroking my hair, she nodded. “Okay, honey. Try and get some sleep. I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
Almost before she stopped speaking, my eyes fluttered closed for a moment. My chest rose and fell as the rhythm of sleep descended on me. Katy remained by my side and continued to caress me as I sensed the beginning what would be a fitful slumber, at best. For several minutes, I lay still trying to ease the tension. Unable to get completely comfortable, I decided to shift position and lay on my side. However, as soon as I did, I felt a familiar twinge.
I swallowed.
“Katy,” I whispered. “Go get Dr. Matthews. Now.”
“Maddie. What’s wrong?”
I felt the skin of my face wrinkle in terror as the pain returned with breathtaking force. My legs bent, shooting up towards my waist as I doubled over in agony.
“The baby!” I screamed. “The pain, it’s back! Hurry, Katy, please!”
“Oh my God!” Katy shrieked. “U-uh, omigod, I’ll be right back!”
Katy turned and ran for the door, flinging it open with all her might. The instant she left the room, the room the pain escalated once more, becoming almost unbearable. I writhed like an animal caught in a trap, groaning. By accident, I pulled too hard on one of the tubes anchored into the top of my hand, tipping over the IV drip. It narrowly missed hitting me on top of the head as it crashed to the ground, clanging and creating a terrific sound.
Sitting up, I cried out. “Ahhhhh! Please someone! Help!”
Just then, the hydraulic swing arm of the door to my room hissed as it opened. Led by Dr. Matthews, two nurses ran in with Katy bringing up the rear.
I reached out towards Dr. Matthews and cried out, “Help me! Save my baby!”
Dr. Matthews grabbed my arm and pressed me back into the mattress, pinning me.
“Maddie, shhh…” he said with as much reassurance in his tone as he could muster.
He barked out commands to prep this and secure that, but I had trouble focusing. I began to feel light-headed again, almost faint. Rolling my head back and forth, I noticed Katy standing off to one side, with both hands covering her mouth. Her entire face flushed as tears rolled down her cheeks. Seeing it, the sickening realization hit home for me as well. Sharp stabs cut through my stomach like spears and I began to cry once more.
“Maddie!” Dr. Matthews said as he clicked a bright light into my eyes. “Look at me. I need you to focus.”
Through a haze of sorrow, I looked up towards the beam and as I did, I felt my consciousness slip away.
“Grey.” I whispered. “Grey…”
GREY
I hated London. Hated it. The weather, that is. Otherwise, it was a great city. If you could take the weather of Los Angeles and move it to this goddamn rain-soaked island, ninety percent of the world’s population would live here. The nightlife, the culture, you couldn’t beat it.
I hadn’t bothered calling Maddie yet, and she hadn’t tried to get in touch with me either. It was just as well. With all the work I had to get done, what was going on with her would have been little more than an unnecessary distraction. We’d get through the current situation, one way or another.
Look, life isn’t all about your goddamn feelings. Work still has to get done and as usual it was left up to me. I’d return to LA soon enough to handle things with Maddie, so I put out of my mind for the time being. And in any case, I had an opportunity for her which, if it worked out, would set her acting career off on the perfect trajectory after we completed the project we were working on now.
Anyway, back to the meeting. I’d gotten word from my contacts in LA that bids were really heating up on a rom com screenplay. I hadn’t read the thing myself but I had enough respect for my team to trust their judgment about its commercial viability. I decided to handle the negotiations for it, sight unseen. Sometimes in business, you just have to take a risk on a goddamn flyer. All of my biggest successes came from taking chances others wouldn’t.
They’d priced it way beyond what I thought was fair, though. I had my number in mind and I wasn’t leaving London until I got them down to it. But, like anyone else, they have the mistaken belief their precious creation is worth more than it actually is in the real world. It would take a bit of time to talk some sense into them. I dug in for the duration, however long it might be.
