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“I know,” I tell her. “But I don’t want to.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” She narrows her eyes at me. “Does this have something to do with the Orchidians coming to Sapphira?”
Now it’s my turn to look around.
“Don’t worry. No one knows your secret.” She jerks her head toward my shoes. “I don’t even think Izzie realizes which planet you’re really from. You want to talk about that today?”
Leave it to Hayden to uncover all of the things I want to keep hidden. Despite our friendship, that’s another thing we’ve never talked about: why I feel it necessary to hide my origins.
“Not particularly.”
“Good,” Hayden says. She turns to the screen beside us and orders another round of drinks. Then she motions to me. “This round’s on you.”
I press my thumb to the sensor on the wall and it registers my fingerprint and payment information I set up the last time we visited this bar. It makes sliding in and out of this place unnoticed very simple and easy, and it also means I don’t have to deal with sorting through cash, although on Sapphira, almost no one uses cash anymore.
The drinks arrive almost instantly and Hayden slams her drink down again.
“Maybe you’re the one who had the bad day,” I eye her curiously, but she shakes her head.
“I’m fine,” she says, but she’s lying to me, and I don’t know why.
Chapter 3
Hayden
I’m lying to him.
I’m not fine.
I haven’t been fine for a very, very long time, and drinking today probably isn’t the best of ideas because today is the anniversary of the day I was taken. I don’t want to be alone today and even though both of my brothers sent me messages to make sure I’m fine, I still feel sad.
The truth is that the one person who could probably help me is Gaz. He’s the only one who doesn’t baby me, who doesn’t treat me like some precious cargo. It’s not that I mind my brothers being gentle or caring with me, but sometimes I want to be treated like a woman and not a victim.
Sometimes I want to forget that I was raped and tormented.
Sometimes I just want to feel normal.
The closest I’ve ever gotten to that is hanging out with Gaz. When I’m around him, he treats me like a friend, a confidante. He treats me perfectly normally and doesn’t worry about censoring his language or his ideas. He knows I can handle anything he throws my way, so he throws it, and I like that.
Both Quinn and Ezra tend to gloss over the hard facts when it comes to sharing information. I know exactly how they each met their mates because the women told me, shared with me. If it wasn’t for the girls, I never would have known the true stories because my brothers each fed me these sanitized versions of what actually happened.
Well, I’m an adult, and not a new one, either. I’m almost 30 years old, and I deserve to be treated that way.
Gaz treats me that way.
Now he’s sitting in front of me, and he’s giving me the opportunity to open up to him. The question is whether or not I’m actually brave enough for that. I’m already completely in love with him, but love isn’t just about feelings, is it? I’ve learned a lot in the last decade, and one thing I know now, more than anything else, is that love requires risk and sacrifice.
Am I willing to risk my privacy to tell Gaz the truth?
Am I willing to sacrifice my fear in order to open up to him?
I might need another drink for this.
I reach for the wall to order another round, but I feel Gaz’s hand gently wrap around my wrist. I look down at it, and then up at him. His gaze is gentle.
“Hayden,” he says softly. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He looks so open and sweet, so gentle. Right now, he’s not the lawyer or the shark. Right now, he’s not a scary attorney demanding justice for his clients. He’s not the powerful man I’ve come to associate with those damn suits he wears.
No, right now, he’s just Gaz.
