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Although I feel disappointed he hasn’t checked his email, I try not to overthink it. “Well, since your time is so precious, I’ll just tell you then.” I compose myself, filling my lungs with air and on exhale, I break his world apart. “Logan, I’m pregnant.”
I wait for him to say something, anything, but I’m met with quiet. And then cursing, smashing, and hard breathing.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Of all people, I thought you were different! Why are you calling me?! Why play me? Just ask for it, I’d have given it to you. The money, jewels, clothes, house, and fuck, even the car!” he shouts with such furiousness and anger. The sound of breaking glass makes me jerk in my seat.
“Logan, calm down. Let’s talk reasonably and figure out what you want to do next.” I can’t help but raise my voice, but then I realize I might draw too much attention from my colleagues. At least it’s the end of the workday and most of them are out.
“I’ll tell you what I want you to do! Don’t call me! Don’t bother with your machinations, it won’t work. I don’t want anything to do with your imaginary child.” He hangs up on me.
Falling back into my seat in shock, I hold the phone to my ear, still reeling from his reaction. He sounded like a different person, a monster who laughs at me while trampling my heart.
Where is the man I met? With my heart galloping in my chest, I’m hit with the realization that this man who changed my life will not be in the picture. Painful spasms of raw emotion clutch at my heart. My eyes water as a strangled cry escapes from the back of my throat. Logan just discarded me like a used tissue.
After work, Joshua invites me into his office and motions to a chair. “Cassandra, there are men in this world who use women as toys, to satisfy their needs for the chase. Don’t let Logan Cade win.” His words freeze me where I sit, as he tries to give me back some semblance of worth.
But the unrequited comment makes me feel just more embarrassed. “You know?”
“I saw the way he looked at you. I thought that this might happen. He has a reputation.” Joshua exhales, pity all other his face. “Besides, I heard your conversation on the phone.” He looks at me, waiting for me to confirm.
“Then you know that I’m pregnant,” I state, as I see worry reflected in his kind eyes.
“Yes, I do, and before you freak out, I will help you. In any way I can, just ask. Take care, Cassandra, your secret safe with me.”
Before I leave, he gives me encouraging squeeze on the shoulder. My mentor and boss had high expectations of me. This
pregnancy will change everything.
Back at my apartment, in the small kitchenette, I peel and chop vegetables for my soup. I start mentally organizing the list of the things to do. For the first time, I take in my surroundings, thinking that I will be raising children here. Alone.
The dark living room seems too cramped and dingy. There is no space for our things because of the old furniture and dark blue walls that make a small room feel more enclosed. My mind goes in circles about my living situation as I cook the meal.
Finally, I grab my journal and start planning the future. I can’t afford any surprises sneaking up on me. I think I know where I’ll start.
Disturbing Dreams
~Logan~
Sixteen weeks
As I sit in the meeting, I keep getting distracted by the thought of Cassandra. Nights and days are filled with her scent and dreams of our time together. I can’t shake her off, no matter what I do.
The conversation bugs my mind, but my dreams are more disturbing.
In the dreams, Cassandra is standing in the middle of the field of wheat, her head raised towards the stormy skies. Tears stream down her face. I call to her, but she is too far away to hear me.
My legs get stuck in the dark murky water, with sharply-cut wheat protruding from the soggy ground. I start sinking. Falling into the depths, I feel phantom hands choking me, as I’m swamped with the slimy dark liquid.
I manage to open my eyes to see her standing above me, a desolate expression on her face. Her reflection in the water turns to look at me, and I wake up. Not even work distracts me from the bad feeling churning in my guts, so I look for the email Cassandra spoke about.
I haven’t yet opened it. When she didn’t call me as promised, I ordered Carl to see what she was up to. That sneak took too much joy from my reaction. We had to settle the score and finally call the winner.
I didn’t expect her to tell me she was pregnant. This is beyond what I consider fair game. After Larissa’s stunt, I can’t allow another woman do this to me.
So why I’m so torn about that call if she is the one who lied? Why does my gut churn with fear and something akin to guilt? We had sex at the hotel a few times during the course. I am sure I used protection, didn’t I? I doubt that she wasn’t on some sort of contraceptive solution. Shit, what if she told me the truth?
The thought of her being pregnant with my kid keeps torturing me with the possibility that she didn’t lie. So, after the meeting, I log on to my emails and find hers. I click on it and my chest becomes tighter and tighter as I read.
Dear Logan,
