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DaddyLongStroke: So, Thick, what’s good? When we gonna meet up so I can split that back down the middle? A nigga tryna pop ya spine out
ThicknDaHips: [email protected] nigga tryna pop ya spine out. U funny as hell
DaddyLongStroke: Nah, baby. I’m dead-ass. I wanna fuck. But, you da one frontin’ n shit. Hol’ up. Gotta piss. BRB
ThicknDaHips: Aiight
DaddyLongStroke: Aiight, I’m back
ILoveSweetCum: Oh, okay. I almost thought you forgot about me
DaddyLongStroke: Never that. So when u tryna wet this dick?
ILoveSweetCum: Call me. 973-555-3303
DaddyLongStroke: Aiight. I’ma hit u up lata
DaddyLongStroke: I’m back
ThicknDaHips: Geesh. Took you long enough. Musta been one helluva piss
DaddyLongStroke: Well, I gotta long dick so it takes me longer to piss
ThicknDaHips: LMAO. U stupid
I take a deep breath. All this back ’n forth IM’in’ is startin’ to give a muhfucka a damn headache.
DaddylongStroke: Nah, baby, ain’t nuthin’ stupid ’bout me stick-in’ this Mandingo cock up in ya
ThicknDaHips: Then let’s have at it
DaddyLongStroke: U talk a good one, baby
Another IM screen pops up. I shake my head. On some real shit, I can’t tell you the first thing ’bout any of these bitches, other than the fact they gotta pussy. And wanna fuck. I hear the garage door open, I log off the computer, abruptly cuttin’ all them cock-hungry hoes off.
My cell rings. I shake my head, glancin’ at the screen. It’s Candy; another one of them chunky-monkey bitches. She’s one of those tight-pussied chicks who borders between ugly and beasty, dependin’ on how the light shines on her. Her long, fake eyelashes and wide, pudgy nose makes her look like a chocolate Miss Piggy. Actually, the bitch kinda reminds me of a much thicker and wider version of that funny-lookn’ chick, Tiffany sumthin’. You know, the one who played New York on that busted-ass reality show, I Love New York. Anyway, ugly and fat or not—wit’ the lights out, she’s a damn good lay, a greedy cock sucka, and she knows howta lace a nigga.
“Yo, what’s good?”
“Hey, baby. You know it’s almost that time, so what you want for your birthday?” she asks. Damn, when did I tell her my birthday was? Shit, I have so many of ’em I forget which ho I done told which date to.
“My birthday?”
“Yeah, fool. Isn’t your birthday on the eighteenth of next month?”
“Right, right,” I say, chucklin’. “I got so much shit on my mind I almost forgot.”
She laughs. “You need to lay off the trees, baby. They got you forgetting your own birthday.”
Shut ya Samoan ass up wit’ that dumb shit! I think, sparkin’ a blunt. She’s been givin’ me a birthday fuck, along wit’ a few gifts, for the last four years. I haveta laugh ’cause chick really thinks she’s doin’ me a favor and givin’ me sumthin’ special. But, I let her fat ass think it’s the nicest shit anyone’s ever done for me. It makes her feel good that she’s makin’ a muhfucka feel special, so who am I to steal her joy. Besides, once a year is ’bout as much as I can stomach from her linebacker ass.
“Well, you know I ’preciate you always rememberin’. I can always count on you to come through to make a muhfucka like me feel special. That means a lot.”
“Awww, that’s so sweet.”
“Not as sweet as you and that tight pussy,” I tell her. Yeah, it’s a small lie, but it makes her feel good, and gets me what I want. “You need to let me come through so I can stretch that shit out for ya, now.”
She laughs. “You stay tryna fuck somebody.”
